Jeff Bridges seems like the kind of guy who’s gotten his life together. The 63-year-old Hollywood icon is an accomplished actor with a stable home life. He’s been married to the same woman since 1977, an eternity compared to the average lifespan of a Hollywood marriage. This kind of relationship is so rare to find in celebrities these days that when GQ magazine published a feature on the actor, the interviewer asked Bridges for his advice on how to maintain a strong relationship. When asked what a man should do if he feels the desire to cheat on his partner, Bridges gave an interesting response: “Well, live and learn. Go ahead and do it, and we’ll see how that goes.”
An article on huffingtonpost.com picked up this interview and pointed out that a few years ago, Bridges told interviewers that he would never consider cheating on his wife with a co-star. “No matter how much womanizing you do as a single guy, you always think there’s more to be done. You don’t want to get sexually involved with the other actor…It spells trouble. My family was and is too precious to me. I know sex can lose you everything,” he said in the 2010 article. The stark differences between the two interviews begs the question: has Jeff Bridges changed his mind on the importance of fidelity? And if so, is he right? Is it better to act on your impulses than it is to suppress them?
It seems to me that Bridges’ 2010 interview is being applied too broadly. All of his language indicates that he was focusing on the present, and not addressing the past. He knew that “sex can lose you everything,” which makes it appear that he may have had some kind of experience with that particular demon, whether it be personal or through someone close to him. It’s quite possible that a much younger Bridges made that mistake and learned from the consequences, as the interviewer didn’t delve into the past but focused on discussing his then-current co-stars. As far as they go, his family is much too important to risk losing now. But what about in the past? In the GQ article, Bridges was asked what his “bottom” was in regards to his relationships, which he tactfully avoided. “I don’t even want to talk about it. I don’t want to make that a public thing. But I hit bottom,” he said. I don’t believe he had a change of heart, but more a matter of two entirely different aspects of the discussion. Past versus present.
“Suppression can kind of get you into trouble, too…When you touch something hot, you don’t have to repress the desire to touch it again,” he told the interviewer. His viewpoint may have some statistical merit, according to nbcnews.com. According to the subjects of a study conducted by MSNBC, cheating left “lingering feelings of sadness…stress…and guilt.” A 31-year-old woman who participated in the study said, “The only thing that turned out from cheating was feelings of guilt and shame…It most definitely made me realize how much I loved my primary partner and that anyone else was not worth it.”
While engaging in adulterous activity may help some understand that they really do love the person they’re with, all too often the person they’re with doesn’t appreciate the route taken to get to that conclusion. I certainly would not be very happy or understanding if my significant other decided he needed to be sure I was the one he really wanted by sleeping around. A committed, exclusive, relationship comes with a certain amount of trust and the expectation of fidelity. According to the same nbcnews.com article, 19 percent of people who were cheated on ended the relationship right after finding out, and 22 percent broke up much later into the relationship because they couldn’t get over the betrayal. “Infidelity plays a role in just over half of divorces,” the study found. If you don’t want to ruin the relationship you have, statistics seem to suggest that staying faithful is the way to go. I am inclined to agree.
Bridges is right about one thing—communication is key. In his GQ article, the writer wrote that “Bridges gets to describing a technique he and his wife use to communicate better—it’s about just letting the other person talk, uninterrupted, as long as they want without responding to or arguing with what they say.” Before you go out and potentially ruin your relationship because you feel the urge to betray the trust of your romantic partner, ask yourself why you feel the way that you do. Have a conversation. Explain your feelings. Maybe these feelings are a sign that something isn’t right between you and your significant other. If you’ve made a commitment to someone, you need to honor that. Don’t “go ahead and do it.”
Samantha Bloom can be reached at samantha.bloom@spartans.ut.edu