Last week, I wrote about the five worst photos to post online. Now that you know what not to show other people online, you should also watch what you say to them. On Facebook, your status update text box asks you the question, “What’s on your mind?” and some of the answers I read are detrimental to my faith in humanity.
One status that always gets on my nerves is what I like to call the guilt-trip status. The original poster of this status tries to get thousands of others to repost it by saying something really heartfelt and then adding, “99 percent of you won’t repost this.” It’s usually supporting an important cause, like the fight against cancer or the prevention of child abuse.
When you first read it, it’s possible that you will repost it because you might feel guilty if you don’t. “If I don’t repost this, it means that I don’t support the cause,” you think.
Seriously, if you want to support a cause, go donate money or spread awareness to people who are going to actually do something besides repost two feeble sentences about it just so they won’t feel guilty.
Posting a Facebook status about it won’t do anything but annoy everyone whose live feed it shows up on, seeing as it is an inefficient way to fight cancer or prevent child abuse.
When you want to address strangers in your posts – don’t. The post, “To the douche who just cut me off: learn how to drive,” is dumb and ultimately pointless.
I don’t think you understand; your message for this stranger ends up being an annoying rant for your friends to have to scroll past.
That cutting-off douche is never going to read your status or be insulted by it. Please refrain from broadcasting your message to his entity, because he cannot reply.
In the same category, talking to inanimate objects is just as obnoxious. Seeing statuses addressed to your difficult homework or broken cell phone makes me seriously question your sanity. As opposed to the douche who cut you off, there is even less of a chance that your homework is going to reply to your status, unless you’re on some sort of hallucinogen.
Attention Facebook users: this is not Twitter. You do not need to update everyone on what you’re doing all the time. I see statuses that describe every waking moment of someone’s day.
“Waiting in a super long line at Starbucks!” “I’m bored in class.” “Going to get in the shower then off to a party!” Thank you, reading that wasted a half of a second of my life.
The only way I’d be interested in what you’re doing is if it’s extraordinarily exciting or interesting, like “Doing the crab-walk through Times Square dressed as Spiderman!”
Otherwise, there is no need to tell the world your schedule. I really do not understand what satisfaction people get out of telling their friends they’re about to shower.
I’m not sure if they are expecting us to imagine them in the shower, but that is the only plausible explanation that I can think of.
If you feel the need to send out an update every hour, sign up for Twitter. Then, only the people who actually want to experience a play-by-play of your life can follow you.
I feel pity for those who crave attention online. If you need people on Facebook to tell you that you’re not ugly, you probably have some serious self-esteem issues.
One of the worst statuses to post is the one that’s obviously fishing for compliments. If there’s a post saying, “I’m so fat,” “No one likes me” or “I wish I were pretty,” all I’m going to do is click the “like”.
I’m not taking the bait. I know you’re expecting, “You’re beautiful, stop saying that!!!” but I like to shake things up. I’d rather just pretend to agree with you and confuse you.
If you sincerely thought you were fat as opposed to the reality of your thirst for people’s flattery, you would not post it as your status.
Another form of craving attention is posting a vague comment, such as “Boys suck,” and waiting for people to ask you what happened. It’s clear that you’re going to explain your issues the second someone replies with a question mark, because all you want to do is tell the world what horrible or amazing thing happened to you without sounding weird by putting it as your status.
I think it sounds weirder when you make vague comments instead of telling us what you really want to tell us. Another word for this intentionally vague status I’ve learned, is “vaguebooking” (thank you, Urban Dictionary).
Alright, we get it. You have the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the world. You regularly feel the need to explain to him/her and all your Facebook friends why and how much you love him/her.
Virtual PDA, especially when the word “baby” is in there, can be just as gag-worthy as physical PDA.
If you want to send adorable messages to your significant other, make it private. Please do not rub it in all of our single, lonely faces; there’s no need to brag. Once I see a status like, “My boyfriend is the sweetest, he just sent me flowers. You’re so cute. I love you so much baby,” I can’t wait for the dramatic break-up status rants.
If you are a regular at posting these sinful statuses, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means that I might unfriend you, depending on the frequency of these posts.
I’d like to say that it’s nothing personal, but it really is.
Status updates are, at least to some extent, a reflection of your thoughts at one point of the day.
If the best thing you have to say is that you think you’re fat, you’re in class or you’re angry at your homework, just don’t say anything at all.
Annavella Palopoli can be reached at annabella.palopoli@spartans.ut.edu
I’d like to think some people might read this and think “Hey you know what, maybe I *could* be more mindful of what I communicate en mass.”
In this age where social media encourages people to post anything- everything- as much as possible (for their own business rewards), maybe the occasional dissenting voice advocating consideration is to be lauded. In case it’s gone unnoticed we are not living in a time that will be known for its stunning intellectualism.
But Norm is right pretty much. No one but he and his boss (Facebook) have the right to tell him what to not post. Which is why 99% of it is pretty much crap.
Actually, I have posted about a douche who cut me off. It did offer s bit more insight then what you describe, and had a “punchline”, meaning at least a handful of my friends might get a chuckle out of it.
Why is that any less important then someone posting a picture of their kid getting on the bus for the first day of school?
You put the onus on everyone else to be respectful of your wall. I put the onus on you to manage your own wall.
I have a friend who I am finding out I am really opposed to their political views. That isn’t the problem. The problem is they post 10 political statements with images in a row. They are the chronic sharer of images.
However, I wouldn’t stop to think it’s their responsibility to be considerate of my wall. Unlike the douche who cut me off who did have a responsibility to share the road, I actually do have control over my own wall.
While I can’t kick douches off the road, I can kick them off my wall.
You have extreme control issues, what this whole article amounts to really is a “rant” as so eloquently stated. Your writing ability is phenomenal, there are far more important things in life then what other people are doing on FaceBook, so in reality this entire column amounts to just so much gossip. seek medical help. :O)
I enjoyed reading that. I’d add the status updates where people just post lyrics in that list. Most of the time they’re not inspirational and often if you don’t know the song they don’t even make sense.
You’re a really good writer. Thanks for this article, forepig.
You need to write something about the top obnoxious nitpicky raving view-craving blog posts. I think you’d be a natural, even proposed further whine-ly adjectival challenges. FYI, top five lists also owe something to the reader — perhaps wit? Just a tried idea as you have no original ones.