The Ex-Cycle: Never-ending Break Ups Hurt Both Partners

“We’re over.”

These are the last words that are heard or spoken, possibly with the exception of a few other choice words, many of them ending in the letters u-c-k.
Sometimes relationships just don’t end well, while other times there is a mutual agreement that the relationship just isn’t working.

Many people are able to get past the feelings they had with their exes and move onto someone else.
But there are a lot of people who get stuck in the “ex-cycle.”

The ex-cycle is when you break up with someone and say that you are ready to move on, but, for some reason, find you can’t keep your word.
I’m pretty sure everyone knows of at least one couple who seems trapped in a horrible relationship.

The couple breaks up and gets back together. They fight all the time and never seem to really want to be around each other.
They do things to intentionally hurt one another, yet, they claim they’re in love.

Once they break up, each of them talks about how glad they are that they’re single and how they don’t want anything to do with their exes anymore.
They go out and hook up with whatever drunk person who’s willing. They brag to the world about how much fun they’re having and how happy they are, in hopes that this information gets back to their ex.

Then, when the couple confronts one another, there’s an all-out brawl with phrases like, “You b—-” and “You a–hole,” thrown all over the place.

Just when you think the couple will never speak to each other again, or worse, that they’ll kill each other, you find out just a few days later that they are back together.
This cycle tends to repeat itself every few months.

Why do people fall into this vicious cycle? They know they’re in an unhealthy relationship and tell everyone that they want to move on, yet they keep going back. The ex-cycle seems like a difficult thing to break for a lot of people.

Many times the comfort of familiarity tends to be the reason why exes get back together.
They try to date other people, but they can’t seem to find another person they feel as comfortable with as they felt with their ex.

Another common reason is loneliness. When you’re used to being with someone for such a long period of time, and they suddenly disappear from your life, it’s hard to deal with.

That comfort you had of knowing that someone was always there for you is now gone, leaving you alone.
Ty Lindacher seemed to sympathize.
“My ex and I were together all throughout high school and we broke up before coming to college, and I swear I went through withdrawal. I was so sick of being alone. I wanted a relationship, but I didn’t want to put the effort into finding someone new and most first-year college students don’t want relationships. So I tried to get back with my ex,” Lindacher said.

Not everyone is affected by the ex-cycle. Some people are really good at moving on, and they understand that break ups happen.

Chrissy Martinez said, “Not all relationships are meant to last. People break up for a reason. I’m all for second chances, but, honestly, sometimes enough is enough and you just have to realize the relationship is over.”
Getting over a relationship is easier said than done.

At times, a second chance is what some people need to really fix their problems and make the relationship work.
Sometimes, though, it’s just not worth it.

Falling into the ex-cycle can cause someone who’s really looking for love to miss out on a good thing because they keep going back to a relationship that never gets fixed.
If it’s over, it’s over. Learn from the mistakes of the past and move on to something better.

Good luck loving!

Dominique C. Barchus can be reached at dominique.barchus@spartans.ut.edu.