You log into Facebook and you see the words, “_____ has gone from being in a relationship to single.”
You read through the comments to try and find out why.
They range in sentiment from “About time. Let‘s party!,” to “Aw. I‘m so sorry =(,” and let’s not forget the “WTF happened?! You need to fix that. You guys are made to be together.”
These comments rarely seem to get a response.
Then you slowly start to see the statuses from both parties saying things to either show how upset they are or how indifferent they are to the breakup and how ready they are to move on.
Or they may not even acknowledge the break up at all.
But all the feedback people have left has already affected you and made you start wondering why the couple broke up. Thus, the Facebook creeping begins.
At first, nothing really seems to jump out at you from the former-couple’s recent statuses or comments.
You notice a re-occurrence of a certain girl or guy leaving comments on their pages, “liking” statuses and commenting on photos, but it doesn’t seem like a big deal because the dates indicate that the comments were all made after the couple broke up.
But when you look a little deeper, you notice that this person was actually there before, in a very subtle way.
This person was commenting on pictures, saying things like “very cute<3,” but these comments have escalated to things like “This picture is so sexy. We should chill sometime *wink*.”
The “Hey, thanks for the add. Don’t be a stranger! =)”, pre-breakup comment has turned into the post break-up “Hey, where have you been? Forgot about me already? =(.”
It’s all too clear that the person is pushing the boundaries of this friendship and trying to pursue a relationship now that their love interest is single.
When you look at the other person that was involved in this relationship, you find that they are posting statuses directed to the former boyfriend or girlfriend, like “Now that you‘re single, you can go right ahead and be with him [or her]. I don’t care,” (even though you know they definitely do care).
That’s when it dawns on you that this “Facebook lover” may have had something to do with this break-up, especially when you see that the ex is now dating the “lover.”
I’ve noticed that a lot of breakups often arise when males and females begin to like someone in the relationship without respect for the fact that they are unavailable.
These people will do whatever they have to do in order to cause the couple to break up.
Other influences can be family or distance issues and even the media, if one or both of the people are objects of the public eye.
Intimate relationships usually involve two people; those should be the only two who matter. People are always going to have their opinions, but it’s up to the people involved to decide whether or not they want to listen.
No one really knows the inner-workings of a relationship better than the people who are in it.
There will always be outside forces that will have an impact on a relationship, but it’s up to the couple to overcome these trials and maintain the will power not to give in to pressure if they want to be together.
Don’t get me wrong. It isn’t always outside forces that can mess up a relationship; the people within the relationship can ultimately be the ones who are not doing the things that they should.
At that point, you can expect other people to share their opinions on whether or not the relationship should end. It’s okay to listen to what others have to say, but at the same time the decision should ultimately be made based upon what the two people involved think.
To recap: be aware of outside forces and don’t let them ruin a good relationship and be smart about what you want people to know and what you don’t want them to know (i.e. putting your life story on Facebook may cause people to creep and ask questions).
No one knows your relationship better than you; don’t let others influence your thoughts. In your heart, you know what’s right.
Good luck loving!
Dominique C. Barchus can be reached at dominique.barchus@spartans.ut.edu.
Someone I know was recently speaking of how people act when they see someones relationship status change from “in a relationship” to “single”. The creeping really begins lol