In sixth grade, my class went on a five-day field trip to some environment camp where we learned things about nature or something. Eleven year-old me saw a pretty blond girl from another school and did something that I had never yet done: I asked her to be my girlfriend.
She didn’t even look at me. She just said, “No,” and kept examining her fingernails. In some ways, that was my first rejection. At the time, I was embarrassed and hurt. However, now I appreciate that this girl was more honest and direct than many of the other females I would ask out later in life.
Ladies, if you find yourself in a unique position where a guy is asking you on a date, for your phone number or perhaps to return to his room to view his Gundam Wing action figure collection, then read my etiquette guide on how to kindly turn him away.
Do not give him your number out of pity or because you feel bad saying “no.” I cannot stress this advice enough. When a guy asks you on a date and you say “yes,” it usually implies that you are interested.
Saying “yes” because you don’t know how to say “no”’ will only give you a bigger headache later when he brings up how he loves Two and a Half Men and you realize you’re dating a loser.
If you say “yes,” you’re sending him encouraging signals. It’s admirable that you feel bad for poor Josh because no one likes him, his hair looks stupid and you want to help his self-esteem, but by encouraging his terrible attempts at flirtation, you’re setting him up for a bigger hurt later on. It’s better to be kind and just tell stupid Josh that he is stupid.
Be direct. If you want to turn down your Casanova in a kind way, try making up something innocuous like, “Sorry, I don’t give my number out,” or, “Actually I’m not looking to date anyone right now. Sorry” or, “Well Saturday is no good. That’s the day they get rid of little Ben and I’m finally 100 percent Betty!”
These are all acceptable responses.
Do not give a fake number. This is just cruel. Unless he’s some awkward loner who keeps asking you day after day and you think he smells your hair whenever your back is turned, do not give him a fake number. If however, he does those things, then you are free to use a rejection hot-line number instead of your own.
When you agree to give someone your number, they get excited. “Hurray!” they say, believing they now hold the key to the Holy Grail. And why shouldn’t they? With those seven digits they are unstoppable, a paragon of man, a modern-day Hercules, only with a less-cool name.
Then, after the obligatory two day wait (because they don’t want to look desperate even though they secretly are), they go to call you and what happens? It’s a fake number and instead of Hercules they feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame: ugly and unloved. Which they are.
Be honest.
If you lie and say you’re not looking to date anyone, then a day later give your number out to that awesome guy who writes those funny articles that everyone loves, Suitor Number One might notice.
Then you are not only a liar, but a b****. This is bad. If you say you’re going out of town and that’s why you have to miss that first date to the Farmer’s Market, followed by meeting his parents and then he sees you still in town on Market day, you will be that evil heartless b****. And you’ll never meet his parents.
Lying is okay if you want to escape an awkward rejection, but don’t be caught in your lies and don’t do anything extravagant.
As a guy, I’d rather hear you don’t want to date anybody than hear that you have just now decided to leave college and volunteer at an orphanage. This lie will fall apart the next time we have class together. Turn it around.
Don’t know how to turn the guy down?
Don’t know if you’re interested? Tell the guy you’re not sure, but instead of giving your number make him give you his.
Then you can either throw it away, give it to a friend, copy the number down in a bathroom stall or call it and give the fool a chance. And, for anyone wondering, here is a good way to say “yes” when someone asks you out: “Yes.”
Richard Solomon can be reached at richard.solomon@spartans.ut.edu.