As much as I tried to hold it in, the tears came quickly when I said goodbye to my high school sweetheart. We had spent the last two years together, with more ups and downs than a soap opera. But when things were good, they were incredible.
He was the first boy to tell me he loved me, and the first I said it back to and meant it. As we said goodbye, I reveled in the security of his arms around me, the softness of his lips and the ease of just being together, no words required.
Four days later, he slept with someone else.
Though I’d known for a long time that we wouldn’t attempt an international long distance relationship, I was admittedly surprised at his ability to move on so quickly. For him, it seemed to be a classic case of “out of sight, out of mind,” or perhaps the flood of girls celebrating graduation from Catholic school by opening their legs to any guy with his own apartment was just too much to resist.
My story is not unique. Young couples around the country separate every fall when school begins. And even though everyone tells them not to bother, to not even waste their time on attempting to stay together, they try it anyway. They do it in hopes of being that couple: the one that survives the rigorous test of long-distance love through college, the one that ends like Sleepless in Seattle.
Long distance relationships are risky on their own — regardless of age, experience and the extremity of the distance in-between. But the college experience begins with meeting new people and discovering types of people that were completely unknown until that moment.
Temptation is everywhere, boyfriend or not. Finding the “right guy,” the “right girl” or simply that night’s hook-up is on the minds of everyone; anyone who says otherwise is lying.
Take it from a girl in my dorm. On the first night after move-in, she immediately marked her territory on a boy across the hall.
No, she did not pee on him, but had her legs constantly draped over any reachable part of his body while freely letting her hands roam in a manner far beyond what was considered publicly appropriate.
And that was just what happened when people were around; who knows what went on behind closed doors when one of them kicked their roommate out for the night? Actually, everyone knew; it was the HoJo for goodness sake.
About two weeks into the semester, silence filled the hallway as the girl in question strolled to her room with her boyfriend from back home following with a suitcase.
“My first thought was, ‘I hope her dorm boyfriend doesn’t see that,’” said an anonymous witness. “My second was that I just couldn’t believe what a shady person she was.”
The dorm buzzed with drama and concern for the feelings of the neighbor she had sunk her claws into. But sympathy quickly turned into outrage when it was discovered that he also had a girl back home.
“No one plans on cheating or beginning a long-distance relationship unsuccessfully, it just happens,” said another anonymous neighbor. “You don’t plan on meeting someone you’ll be interested in, but there are just so many new people,” she said.
And perhaps she’s right. Sure, in the beginning it’s constant texting, nightly Skype dates, and plentiful phone sex. But what happens after the habits start to slip and that “good morning” text isn’t as important to send anymore?
A male UT student, who also wished to remain anonymous, talked about his own long-distance relationship. “It’s really more of something to fall back on when I go home,” he said. “There are just people here from all around,” he finished with a shrug.
While long-distance relationships usually start with the best intentions, they can end with the worst betrayals. Try starting out your new life as just that: your new life. If you find that you simply can’t live without the love you left behind, see where they are. Don’t be crushed if you find that they have moved on; you can do the same. It might even be easier without them looming in the back of your head.
If you are truly determined to make your relationship work, I honestly wish you the best of luck. Letting go of someone is far from easy, but give your new surroundings and your new neighbors a chance and most importantly, take advantage of the opportunity you have to grow as a person; not as a person tied down to someone else.
Hannah Webster can be reached at hannahkarine31@gmail.com.
why is everyone anonymous
In truth, this article dictates particular aspects of the college brain, superficiality and fickleness. While I agree that maintaining a long distance relationship is difficult, it is a choice that one must respect, if he or she decides remain monogamous. The article quotes someone as saying, “It’s something to fall back on when I get home..”, I don’t think his girlfriend would appreciate that comment. College is a time of growth, exploration, and a time to simply make some mistakes, we all do. Unfortunately, some take it as a time to completely disregard their moral responsibilities, not just as a partner in a relationship, but as a person.
A great deal of men objectify women here at the university. It seems to give them a sense of testosterone affected pride, while admittedly, they’re just chauvinistic troglodytes (look it up). A great deal of women here seem to take pride in soliciting themselves as if they were cats in heat. It’s all fine, that’s what college is about to an extent. However, when somebody in a relationship ( long distance or otherwise) does not stop to consider the feelings of their partner before they decide to bank on their hormonal, and apparently intellectual imbalance, they not only deal their partner an emotional blow and do them a true disservice, they do themselves a great disservice by labeling themselves a salacious cheater, a manipulator, and an overall bad person. Living with the guilt is bad enough, unless you don’t care, in which case, I feel sorry for those that don’t have the ability to feel, but stones don’t do anything else but sit and wait to decompose.
I have had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now, we were high school sweethearts, and when she left for school, it was heartbreaking, but we made it work. That’s my point. Relationships are work, if you love somebody, and you commit yourself to them, you work at being with them, regardless of if you’re 1000 miles away, or if you live together. Maybe I’m extremely lucky to have somebody as special as she is, but the point remains. If you’re in a relationship, and you want to remain with that person, you work at it. This doesn’t mean you have to be a recluse. We both have had fulfilling social lives even if we don’t see each other for a long time, we both have friends, and separate lives. It seems to be a criterion in our youth culture now, that we take a lackadaisical attitude towards everything, including our interpersonal relationships. In conclusion, if you want to have sex with somebody, go ahead. If you want to be in a relationship with somebody, by all means, do it, but if your reasoning for cheating on your significant other is a matter of nothing but inconvenience, you don’t have one strand of maturity in your body. Grow up, or go home, maybe your girlfriend will be waiting there patiently for you, oh wait….she won’t.
While I agree that long-distance relationships aren’t for everyone, I do think they can be incredibly successful. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the past two and a half months (we’ve been together for 7 total) and it is going incredibly well. I’ve made incredibly close friends at school and have stayed on top of my classes while keeping in close contact with my boyfriend. If my relationship has held me back from anything, it’s the irresponsible college behaviors like partying and casual sex that are best avoided anyway. Being in a relationship has also freed me from having to worry about guys and appearances, and keeps me focused what college is really meant to be about: learning. Finding yourself is important, but I don’t think ending true love is necessarily the right path to get there.