The definition of “friendship”, according to Sherrese Thomas, a sophomore majoring in chemistry, “is a special bond of affection between two people.”
What happens when this bond is between a boy and a girl? Can there be affection between them that is not romantic in any way? Can a boy and a girl be just friends?
I have various guy friends, including one I’ve known since childhood, who I never had romantic feelings for. We support each other, defend each other, hang out and have an awesome time together and I never really see them as guys but just as friends. So of course, I know it to be possible that men and women can in fact be in platonic relationships.
But then again, there will always be at least that one friend from the opposite sex who you have stronger feelings for, even if you don’t admit it to yourself. At least once in your life there will be one of you in a friendship who will silently wait for the day when the other wakes up and says “Oh my gosh, you’re the one and you’ve been here all along.” It’s this idea that leads to the mentality that men and women can’t be just friends.
In a YouTube video called “Why Men and Women Can’t Be Friends” that has received almost six million views, a group of male students from the University of Utah interviewed various people in the university’s library, asking them if girls and guys can just be friends. All of the women interviewed said, “Yes” and all the men said various forms of: “No,” “F*** no,” and “It’s impossible.” However, when they asked the girls whether they knew if the guy they were just friends with liked them as more than friends, the girls started to doubt their original response. Almost all of the girls interviewed said that their guy friend actually has or has had feelings for them, causing the interviewer to conclude, “So what you’re saying is that guys and girls can’t be just friends.”
I thought that this experiment was interesting and so decided to do something similar. I went to a lot of my friends and posted a status on Facebook asking if they think guys and girls can just be friends. The girls all seemed to be of the same opinion.
“Yes, I think they can,” said Romina Neyra, a sophomore majoring in biology. “I have a lot of guy friends and they have been my friends for years. They are just friends and like brothers.”
Sophomore Elise Servi, a forensic science major, said, “Yes, they can be just friends. I feel like every girl needs that guy friend and every guy needs that girl friend that they can talk to and get advice about the opposite sex.”
I am of the same opinion. My guy friends are like brothers to me and it’s refreshing to talk to them and have a guy’s perspective on certain things without emotions getting in the way and making things complicated.
Some of the guys who answered my question, however, did not think that such a friendship could exist unless there was no attraction between the two friends. Chemistry major Brolin Xavier, a sophomore, said, “I feel like it’ll only happen if there’s something they find slightly repulsive about each other.”
Followed by Alex Wilson, a sophomore and accounting major saying, “Unless both of them are f*** ugly one of them is going to be attracted to the other.”
This way of thinking is understandable. If you find your friend attractive, this might influence your emotions and cause you to want more than friendship. But that doesn’t have to always be the case.
Seth Johnson, sophomore and business major, is of this opinion, “One of my best friends is a girl and I’ve known her for six years. She’s like a sister to me. She’s gorgeous. I just don’t see her in the way that I would a girl I want to be with. S*** just happens that way.”
Unlike the Utah University experiment, my survey shows that the opinions for and against are pretty even.
It’s also interesting that unlike the Utah interview where all of the girls were saying “Yes” and all of the guys were saying “No,” my smaller-scale study resulted in the majority of the guys saying that it is possible.
I’m glad that this is the case. Yes, there are instances where emotions come into play and the friendship is not strictly platonic, I mean I even dated my best friend once, but for the most part, I think most girl/guy friendships don’t have that problem.
Sexual tension does not have to be present. It is possible for men and women to be just friends.
They can hang out, tell each other secrets, give each other advice and be amazing friends without the messy presence of emotions. And these types of friendships are the best kind.
Paola Crespo can be reached at pollycrespo@hotmail.com.