For centuries, women all over the world have been forced to like each other for one reason: to decipher the male race. The good news is that amateur hour is over, ladies.
Instead of wasting time applying pounds of make-up and batting eyelashes at men without a clue, it’s time to hike up your skirt and look at the big picture. If your heart’s hungry for the man of your dreams, you need to become painfully aware of your desired type.
To get a man, it’s imperative to think like one. Once you’ve established whom you want to woo, you’re one step closer to reeling in your future fling.
Since men often forget we share the same prerogative, the following five suggestions to get your man will serve as a reminder that females are still ahead of the game.
If your search for romance entails a technological guru, it’s time to get on his level, literally. The way into a nerd’s heart is through his console, so you’ll need to find out his gaming tag before he can meet his match. Guys are fascinated when a girl is good with her hands; so brushing up on your Call of Duty skills is essential to seal the deal. Quadruple his number of headshots and become a gaming goddess in the eye of the beholder.
“Nice guys finish last,” is a cliche men have been avoiding since they discovered females have an unspoken magnetic attraction to jerks. Although we’re always on the hunt for the sweet talker with a loyal agenda, good dudes are hard to come by.
Most girls don’t understand that we ladies are actually part of the problem. The unmistakable mechanical error programmed in our brains is that we’re always looking for something wrong in a person once we’ve decided they have potential to meet our standards. Instead of filling your mind with useless expectations that may never be fulfilled, satiate your stomach.
If you’re up for the task, challenge him to an eating contest for a true test of compatibility. He’ll be interested in redeeming himself, and you’ll boost his ego. Score the win, and you’ll be awarded with your crush in addition to a temporary food baby.
Catching the attention of a passerby isn’t a difficult undertaking. However, luring in a businessman can be similar to a tactical mission. The bold persona of an intelligent man can be intimidating, but the key is to identify with their interests.
You may need to pull some strings in your morale department, but you have two flavorful options. If you know the basics of another language and feel you fit the part, pretend you’re foreign. Business savvy individuals are crazy for fresh new concepts, and that notion could be you.
If role-play isn’t your forte, conquer this enquiry with an undeniable arithmetic equation: you plus him, plus someone else. After all, they are men; I didn’t say their interests were tasteful.
We’re always looking for someone who can keep up with us, pre-conceivably a jock; you know, that meat-head in your dreams with a six-pack who can throw you over his shoulder effortlessly, Swan Lake style. It’s not rocket science to hook this one, hit the gym and offer to work him out. Females are good at faking it, so if you’re lacking in the exercise department, strike a yoga pose. Starting with stretches not only warrants instant physical contact, but you can ask him to spot you later.
Of course, it wouldn’t kill you to rock a ridiculously tiny pair of spandex and a neon pink sports bra, but bending over incessantly for his viewing pleasure is ideal.
The stereotypical jock may not be the smartest choice, but it’s a common theme to want what you can’t have. Sneak out of the gym within the first twenty minutes and he’ll be wondering when he can see you again. If you’re okay with extensive physical activity and feeling excessively sore for all the right reasons, you got your guy.
As ladies, we like to focus on our mind, body and spirit, which is why we find ourselves hopelessly attracted to hippies. Contrary to popular belief, hippies with proper hygiene do exist and, more importantly, they are passionate individuals. Conventionally dedicated to solving world peace, staying true to our Earth and raging at music festivals, they stimulate harmonious energy that cannot be negated.
In a world where men believe portraying emotion is a sign of weakness, hippies aren’t scared to love. Their mentality is a serious breath of fresh air, but don’t give the impression that you dig free love with multiple people (unless you’re into that).
You can land a laid-back lover by devoting your day to Bob Marley and hula hooping in Plant Park. Stalk out a smoke stack by the river accompanied by a few fresh heads wearing Grassroots hats and you’ve spotted your suitor. If you’re an adrenaline junkie, light your hoop on fire, all the cool kids are doing it.
Most significantly, let whomever you choose to pursue fall for the person you are and leave the rest to fate. If a man can’t accept you for you, move on to the next one!
Very funny and well-written! As a business major, I would agree the “pretend to be foreign” advice would work on me.