The only way to make someone trustworthy is to trust them.
For a while my view of trust was skewed. I trusted few, as the self-help books always recommend, and was quick to doubt people even before they did something to make them untrustworthy.
It was a preemptive move and, as sure as day, the few I trusted betrayed my trust. I was sure then that I was trusting too much, but, as I learned, things get worse before they get worse.
I was at a loss until I gave up with the preemptive move. In other words, my teenage “know-it-all” mentality was proven almost foolish and I learned something very different about trust.
It is true that trust is fragile, and of course there are those who will betray you; otherwise trust wouldn’t make sense; betrayal would not exist.
Trust, however, is a necessity. Some may see it as an issue in their relations with people, while others may view it as a fruit produced from a well-rooted, healthy relation with society. Still others may just not care for it. This does not diminish its importance in social and professional aspects of life.
We are all aware of the cliches associated with trust and its comparison with a vase (how, if broken, it can never be the same).
Trust is not a vase; neither is it limited. Trust is many things to many people, but objectively it is a process and, depending on your view, it can be tedious and mundane or a pleasant learning experience.
To me, trust is like building a skyscraper. With a bit of time, bricks of love to set the foundation, and the mortar of honesty, a relationship or friendship can be held together.
When things get “ugly” and the “noise” of our surroundings starts to interfere, trust becomes important, useful and something many people come to admire. The unique thing about trust and skyscrapers is their height is undefined.
There is no set limit as to how much trust can go around, no limit as to how much you trust someone except the one you set. It’s never that serious anyway.
If you trust and you get betrayed, you learn to make better choices.
It’s not the end of the world. Not trusting can become an issue soon enough and you don’t want to be passing such bad habits down to people who admire you, like your children or your spouse.
The number one trust “issue” is not betrayal, but lack of trust. Look around and see how far two people who do not trust each other can go without back-biting or arguments. I will take a guess: not very long.
Camilla Chebet can be reached at cchebet@spartans.ut.edu.