Being a die-hard Washington Wizards fan, it can be hard to explain to others my love for a team that has had so many back-to-back unsuccessful seasons riddled with player injuries, first-round playoff losses and gun charges being brought upon our star player.
When you grow up watching a team play every week, they start to become a big part of your life, almost like an extended part of your own family.
It gets to the point sometimes where people become so intense with their passion for the team, that it’s hard to understand their actions. It helps to know when they’re acting out as part of their love for the game and not because they’re actually insane.
If you’re lucky enough to attend a game with a true fan, you’ll see a completely new side of this person that you’ve never witnessed.
You can expect to hear a constant string of insults directed towards the opposing players, but not typical stuff like, “You suck Lebron!” True fans won’t hesitate to get as personal and offensive as possible when it comes to insulting opposing players.
The insults sound more like, “Hey Lebron!” (because we love trying to get the players attention before we fire away) “You’re a crybaby b—-! You uneducated piece of s—! You’re just a little attention w—-! You will never be as good as Jordan or Kobe! I hope you think about Delante West nailing your mom every time you’re on the court!” Now that insult may make some people uncomfortable.
However, the other true fans in the stands always appreciate a solid insult towards an opposing player, so a follow up of, “Hell yea! Lebron’s a b—-!” would undoubtedly be shouted by another fan close by, accompanied by a couple of angry fist pumps toward Lebron, similar to an old man telling a kid to get away from his house.
Even if the home team starts falling behind, a true fan never gives up hope or says anything negative about the team.
Instead, they sit in silence shaking their head like a disappointed parent as if to say, “I raised my child better than this,” while mumbling the same phrase over and over: “God, such bull—-. I can’t believe this …” When it seems like all hope is lost, a true fan is thinking about some miracle situation in their head, which they will begin to try to explain to their friends.
“If Gilbert (true fans only refer to players by their first name) can bring up the ball and hit a three, then get the inbound steal and hit another three, then get the inbound steal again and hit a third three, we’ll only be two away!”
Meanwhile, there’s only four seconds left in the game. However, if the team wins the game, you’ll see a celebration from a true fan unlike anything else, especially if it’s a significant win.
When a true fan’s team wins the Super Bowl, it’s like New Year’s Eve had sex with your birthday, and this situation came out.
A true fan will miss work for the next three days after their team wins the Super Bowl because they won’t stop drinking and screaming, “We did it! Oh my God, we did it!” until they pass out, wake up and do it again for the next 12 hours.
A true fan’s best friends are always just as intense about the team as he or she is. The friendship could be based solely on their shared love for the team.
Every conversation will consist of, “Dude, did you hear what the team did?” But that friendship will be one of the strongest they have. They’ll be the friend who will call during a game and when you pick up, before they say anything, you will know exactly what they’re about to say and just respond, “Yeah, I know. I just saw. This referee is an a–hole!”
Whenever you’re with a true fan, make sure not to say anything negative about their team. You might not even know they’re a true fan until you bring it up, which is why you have to be careful.
You might be talking to someone, see they’re wearing a Yankee’s shirt, and even the slightest comment such as, “Dude, the Yankee’s suck” can set off a huge unwanted argument. If you ever say anything about a true fan’s team, get ready for some sort of fight. You can insult their religion, their political beliefs and even their family without heat, but mention their team and s— goes down.
“Actually a–hole, the Yankee’s have won 27 World Series titles, 40 AL pennants and 16 division titles, so get your s— straight before you make a stupid f—— comment like that, bro.” You’ll swear you were watching an ESPN report the way they can recite statistics and records on demand. Even if you don’t think you know anyone this intense about a team, they’re all around, especially at UT.
Last Friday night, when the Yankees lost the series against the Rangers, if you live on campus, I guarantee you could hear angry yells from at least one room on every floor of every building.
To put it in perspective for girls: imagine you found out that your ex-boyfriend had sex with your best friend and filmed it. That’s what losing in the playoffs feels like.
John Jacobs can be reached at jjacobs@spartans.ut.edu.