Since the new semester has begun something significant has happened at The University of Tampa that will forever change the lives of a select group of students. Of course I’m talking about the new “low flow” shower heads being installed into the Stadium dorms.
When I got back I was excited to see some new cool looking shower head until I turned it on to see the light misting of water which is a sad attempt at a shower. Standing under one of these new “low flow” shower heads could only be compared to the feeling of being urinated on. Not that I actually know what that feels like, but I’m imagining it would feel like this.
I was proud of our shower heads before. Now the University has taken away one of the best parts of the dorm. Every day I would wake up and think “God I’m so happy to have a powerful shower!” but now that’s all changed.
The only reason I can figure the University would do this is to save money on water use and somehow attempt to “go green” and save water.
Because we all know UT is environmentally aware with the constant watering of random patches of grass every single night. Every patch of grass all around campus is being watered every night!
I can understand the sports fields being watered, but does it really matter if the grass around the parking lots which nobody walks on gets a little brown? It doesn’t really serve a purpose but it sure looks good. Who would’ve thought UT was a school so focused on aesthetics? Maybe they changed out the shower heads because kids were just “too clean” (highly unlikely) and the University figured we should dirty things up a bit.
Whatever the reason is, now to take an effective shower you need to be in there for roughly the same amount of time it’d take to get Obama tickets (and even then it’s not guaranteed). As long as you don’t have class that day, you’ll probably be able to get a solid shower in. Or maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll rain that day so you can just get naked and stand outside for a while.
I’m not the only one who’s been upset by these new shower heads being installed, many other students in stadium are outraged by this new change and have explained in detail how this action has made them feel.
When stadium resident, sophomore Chris Mitchell, was asked how it made him feel that UT would replace our shower heads without any warning Chris responded, “Bad.” And when resident Junior Brent Colbourn went on to elaborate how he felt about the new shower heads by stating, “I don’t like this.”
As you can see, students are outraged and they’re not afraid to be vocal about their dislike of the new weak shower heads. How are we supposed to wash away the shame of Gasparilla without any power?
However, besides the new shower heads, the University has made some positive changes this new semester with the addition of a fresh sushi deli in the “Gourmet Grocer” and two new cars being available to rent to any students on campus.
The sushi deli is great because now people actually have a reason to go into the Gourmet Grocer besides “the line for Salsa Rico and Pandini’s was too long.” The only problem is any sushi not on a meal exchange aka “the ninja special” you can’t use Spartan dollars to pay for it (because we can’t let things be too convenient for us). The same way you can use UT dollars at the school store but not Spartan dollars. I’m sure soon enough we’ll create more useless “dollar” categories just so the school can make more money.
“Hey I’ll pay for the sushi with my ‘Spartan sushi dollars’ I should have about $40 left.”
“Oh no sorry, ‘Spartan sushi dollars’ can only be used on Mondays from 1-1:30 p.m. and Fridays from 7-7:12 p.m. Do you have any ‘Spartan universal dollars’ left?”
“I have ‘Spartan global dollars’ is that what you mean?”
“No that’s different, ‘Spartan global dollars’ can be used to buy DQ hot dogs and Mountain Dew. ‘Spartan universal dollars’ can be used for sushi and yellow highlighters.”
Besides the sushi, with the new cars being available to rent, now students who have been thinking “I wish I had a car to get to work” and “I want to know what happens when I pull the E-break going 60mph but I don’t want to risk it in my car” can finally achieve their goals!
This is a very risky idea as people might not feel the responsibility to treat these rentals as if it were their own car. Most likely the phrase “screw it, it’s not my car!” will be said many, many times by the students driving it.
So besides the new prison style showers, at least now I can eat fresh sushi while driving a rented Mini Cooper which has been at the top of my “things to do” list for a while now.
John Jacobs can be reached at jjacobs@ut.edu.
Thank you very much Bethany for agreeing with me, apparently other people (like Johns roommate “Chris”) cannot read/understand a paper. The purpose of a paper is to inform other people, not fill their minds with rubbish. That quote was ridiculous and how John Jacobs still writes for the minaret amazes me.
Dude! How can you not like everyone being all crusty and rank! We are far more in touch with mother gia (earth) now… plus no one can ever sneak up on you!
The ability to put this “enhancement” in brochures… and more importantly to qualify for environmental preservation/conservation tax credits… trumps the preferences of horrible “earth stabbers” such as yourself.
I am with “bethany” 100% on her point… I mean.. I started reading this to get a strictly factual, investigatory journalistic insight on the issues… NOT your horrible “roommate’s” opinion! Shame on you for even remotely (or not at all!) hinting that you are a reporter!
HOORAY FOR SMELLY PEOPLE!
If I may intervene, I agree that the Minaret’s integrity has been greatly sacrificed due to Mr. Jacobs’ indifference for reputable references. This article although humorous, is a disgrace to the University. As for his roommate “Chris”, please inform me on how to read a newspaper? Last time I checked simple quotations from friends are inadequate whether a commentary piece or not. Ignorance is bliss my friend, and I suggest you take a Writing/Communications class before offering your idiotic 2 cents.
That is a direct quote from myself. And John writes commentary pieces so if you or any of the other “wonderful” UT students would like to be informed start with understanding how to read a newspaper.
that biased guy doesnt know what hes talking about. i like the mention of mountain dew. i really like mountain dew. biased probably like butt rex. really hard and deep butt rex.
This article is extremely biased! It has been brought to my attention that the so called quotes are from your roommate and your suitemate. I feel that you just asked them to say something funny because all you care about is writing funny stuff and not informing the wonderful students at UT. I will NEVER again read an article written by “John Jacobs”.
I agreed with the show heads remark. @ of my roomies didn’t care about the change, and the other two of us, well as you said, thought it felt like we were being peed on. Also, our showerhead is attached all weird and you have to stand with your nose inches from the wall if you actually want to water to hit your back. Yes, I am an exceptionally small person, but even if I were 5’8, I’m sure this could be irritating.
Very funny article, I agree with pretty much everything that was said. Gotta love UT.
The shower heads aren’t that different at all. Vaughn had them last semester and I didn’t hear any complaints.
But I do agree about the sushi, because as if it wasn’t hard enough to get some decent food now it’s decent, but in a small package, and it’s tasty, but you can’t get that one because it doesn’t have a stupid ninja on it.