Schmindy Tooooker

The catastrophic Vaughn Center flood sent a 1,500 gallon torrent of water down 8 floors and resulted in 23 students needing to leave their rooms. Though the physical damage was eventually cleaned up, some of the lasting effects of the deluge have been hidden from the eyes of students.

That is, until now.

A Minaret investigation recently unearthed an unsettling scandal in the Office of Residence Life. While other second floor offices have returned to work as usual, ResLife has not.

According to ResLife, the sprinkler incident hit their office harder than the rest, as more than 50 gallons of water were dumped onto computers holding student housing information, resulting in a complete loss of the data.

“Yeah, we lost all of the 2008 room selections,” said Krystal Schofield, director of Residence Life. “But it’d a real pain to put it all together again, so we figured we’d just dump everyone into the general lottery and be done with it.”

When asked about the room selection process since the accident, Schofield laughed.

“We’ve been pretending to let residents pick their rooms, but really, we’ve just been calling them in by name and surfing the web the whole time.” Schofield added that those who were told they would have single rooms would just be thrown into the lottery with everyone else.

“I mean, after all,” she said, “these kids really only want the rooms so they can vandalize the floors. By throwing everyone into the lottery, people won’t be with their friends and we won’t have masses forming against us the next time we force kids to sit and write lines.”

Upon learning of the new housing “selection” process, students were far from happy.

“It’s