Editorial

A better question might be, what’s the deal with all the weirdos that peruse dating apps like Tinder, and OkCupid? As someone who wholeheartedly believes in the cliché ‘there’s someone for everyone,’ and having not had much success with bumping into ‘the one’ on campus, I figured I’d give the whole instant matching thing a try. You can do anything from buying a thoughtful gift to planning a romantic outing online—so why not find a date to go along?

At first I attempted to set up a Tinder, but quickly deleted it after the app told me ‘there were no matches in your area.’ I guess I set the bar too high. OkCupid seemed a bit more legit. I had some questions to answer, and I could see how other people answered questions like, “Are carbohydrates something you think about?” The site seemed promising. There was also a way to filter age, so I eliminated any chance of being contacted by angsty teens seeking punk pixie queens. But instead of finding some quirky, intelligent types who also enjoy the outdoors (apparently this is actually setting the bar too high) I was only contacted by self-proclaimed sugar daddies and ‘thirsty’ twenty somethings.

I understand the appeal of hooking-up, but I like to think I have more to offer than a quick toot it and boot it. Maybe dinner and a movie, or a kayaking adventure is too much to ask for when turning to apps that put appearance above personality. On that note why are there so many profile pictures of abs, cars, guns, and boats? I’m not one to put appearance first, but what am I supposed to do with a picture of your pet? If it means I can just hang out with your dog I’m down, but don’t try to bait me with cute animals. Other ways to get yourself swiped left is with pictures of your current girlfriend or spouse. Thank you for being upfront about making me a side chick, but no thank you I would not like to ‘try something new.’

Regardless of which way you swipe on OkCupid, you’ll still receive dozens of messages from interested suitors. Here’s a tip for that ever-important first message: if you wouldn’t have the balls to say it in person, maybe don’t send it online. Also if you’d like to avoid sounding like a complete douchebag maybe run your draft by a friend of the opposite sex. If he or she hesitates maybe don’t send that either.

At first I found the messages extremely entertaining, until I realized these guys were serious. A particular 31-year-old decided to lay it on real thick, “You are gorgeous. Message is a passion of mine. I’d love to give you a full body sensual massage. I require nothing in return. Interested?” Sure Ryan, let me slather myself in baby oil and I’ll be right over.

If you’re into being degraded, creeped out, or virtually cat-called then you’ll def find your prince charming online. I think part of the problem we ‘young people’ face is from the instant gratification we receive with other online platforms. You want a movie: Netflix. You want a new shirt: Amazon. You want a steady relationship with someone who shares common goals and interests and has similar tastes– don’t get your hopes up if you make a FarmersOnly account. Unless of course, you’re a farmer seeking other farmers.
Dating apps aren’t for everyone. Just because you get to the end of the quick match pile doesn’t mean you’re matchless. If you’re as socially anxious as I am the idea of going out to meet new people in person makes you want to disappear through the floor. But after Texassweetssz, messaged me with, “Ur stunning lol if u ever need a sugar daddy to spoil u with cash/presents let me know lol and I’m not into anything weird just new here and work for a pro football team,” I decided putting myself out there in real life would be more productive.