I, like many of my peers, have dated a variety of people that I would never, ever, ever consider spending the rest of my life with—and at 18 years old, that is completely acceptable. However, as the end of my college education approaches and with it the certainty of my actual adult life, my mind has pondered—how does a couple survive the transition from a college relationship to a functional grown-up couple?
Relationships are like lab partners. There will be plenty of failed experiments, there will be differences in preferred methods, and there will be times when you wish you had chosen a different one. But the most important aspect of this partnership is to ensure that both members are working toward the same desired results.
After college, your significant other is not just the source of guaranteed physical interaction and endless man crush Mondays or woman crush Wednesdays on Instagram. They are your life partner, and you must rely on one another for support through whatever life may throw your way. Much like lab partners, if both parties are not pulling their own weight, it will put a strain on the relationship and may result in failure; each individual will suffer.
“Any relationship needs communication, trust, and mutual encouragement,” says Mary Palmer, a senior public health major and December 2015 graduate. “If you are contemplating moving forward in a relationship post-college, then you need to ensure those three aspects are present and thriving.”
The unfortunate truth is that a relationship outside of college is more than sex and formal dates. It is vital that you and your partner share the same goals in life. As actual adult life approaches, there are three specific areas in which an individual should discuss with their partner:
Finances: After College, you hopefully will become financially independent from your parents. In the event that you and your partner choose to live together, finances will likely become a focal point in your daily interactions—hopefully they are conversations, not arguments. At this time, one should study their partner’s spending habits. Sure, we’ve all had a couple of high bar tabs, but really pay attention to where they focus their spending. This can range from how much they are willing to spend on an apartment, to how much they desire to spend on groceries (because not all of us can afford to shop at Whole Foods on a Trader Joe’s budget). If you and your partner can agree upon where to spend your money, your partnership will flourish. If not, you may be in for trouble when bills are due every month. Make sure you can share a shopping budget before you share a bank account.
Location: Your partner and you have to support each other’s wants and desires. After graduation, there will be nothing tying you down to a residency in Tampa. Every couple should discuss where they would like to go after college, because the most important time to make life decisions is right now. What if you dream of the west coast and your significant other refuses to settle outside of the north east? Enter this discussion as an open dialogue with an open mind. However, if it is impossible to reach an agreement, remember to act in your own interest. Making a decision entirely because of your partner’s desires can lead to resentment, and if you’re going to end up apart, it’s easier if you’re alone in a city where you wanted to live, anyway.
Family Planning: This is not only the awkward name of the aisle where you find condoms and tampons in your local grocery store. Though it may seem years—or even decades—off the radar, the subject of kids is still a serious part of a relationship that needs to be discussed. It is not that the specific number of children, their genders, and their full names needs to be figured out by graduation, but instead both parties should agree on whether or not they do or do not want to have children one day. If one is dead-set on having a family, he or she should not waste their time with someone who is entirely uninterested. There are plenty of other people to reproduce with, so if it isn’t in the cards, move on to a new deck.
Above all, you should always act in your own best interest. Though a relationship may be perfect in college, it may not hold through the stresses that come with growing up—and that’s okay. Break-ups help us align with what it is we truly want in a partner, and with each failed attempt, we get one step closer to finding the partner for us.
Terry Preston can be reached at terrence.preston@spartans.ut.edu