“A woman with excessive confidence is like a man with a vagina. I’d still bang her, of course; a repellant personality doesn’t negate the fact that she has a slamming body,” says Matt Forney in his book The Case Against Female Self-Esteem. A lot of men like Forney have become resistant to the growing feminist movement, which inspires confidence in many women.
Forney’s book is centered on an interesting point: men are generally more attracted to insecure women. But the way Forney presents his information makes him come off as an ignorant fool.
His idea that men are more attracted to confident women is valid in some scenarios, but statements like the one previously stated are just going to piss off his readers.
Unfortunately, a man who is this uncomfortable with female confidence in 2013 is going to have a hard time finding a wife. However, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to marry this prince charming anyway.
The stereotypical couple of a working husband and a housewife has dwindled over the decades, and women are contributing a lot more than just taking care of the house and kids.
According to finance.townhall.com, a Prudential Financial survey of about 1,400 women showed that 40 percent of women were single or divorced as of June 3, 2013, and 53 percent of these women were the breadwinners in their households. Twenty-five percent of the married women said they made more money than their husbands.
Unfortunately, some men’s acceptance of women’s growing independence seems to remain relatively stagnant.
“Whenever a girl I’m talking to brags about how she’s ‘confident’ and ‘strong,’ I can feel my d**k deflate like a punctured tire,” Forney said. He doesn’t want a strong, confident girl because in the past, society has given men all the power.
The fact that women are coming closer to equality and standing up for themselves more often is intimidating. Most guys want a girlfriend who needs and praises him. An article on powertochange.com says, “Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.”
Forney even admits to this overwhelming desire to feel appreciated and needed by women. “Part of our identity as men is based in women needing us, if not necessarily in a material sense, than in an emotional one,” he said.
Guys like Forney want to feel like women need them and that they are providers. They don’t want women seeking satisfaction for those needs elsewhere. Guys that think this way can be just as insecure as some girls, but they don’t want women to know that.
“It makes sense that a guy would chase after an insecure girl because it would make them feel more confident,” said UT junior and graphic design major Jared Lichtenstaedter. “Women want and need that confident man, and men search for insecure women to satisfy their natural pattern. I even go for insecure women, but not for the same b*llsh*t reasons he [Forney] talks about.”
Even I can admit I look for a guy that can take care of me and has great confidence. But sometimes a very confident and strong guy can be too controlling. There should be a balance.
It’s possible to have a guy that can and will provide for a girl but is still comfortable with her putting in equal effort. I should not have to feel insecure in any way to get a guy to like me.
It upsets me to know guys like Forney want us to feel incapable so that it can boost their own self-confidence. It comes off as selfish and overbearing.
Forney describes the girls he has been in love with the most as “the ones who were the most insecure, the most emotionally vulnerable.” First of all, being insecure and being emotionally vulnerable are two completely different, relatively unrelated things.
According to Merriam-Webster Online, being insecure is when you’re “not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well.”
Being vulnerable is when you’re “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt.” For example, falling in love takes emotional vulnerability. But when a girl is insecure, she may experience a sense of incapability. In other words, she can feel like she’s not good enough.
As a woman, I can be independent and still be emotionally vulnerable. And being emotionally vulnerable doesn’t make me an insecure woman.
I will never need a man to provide for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want one to share my life with. I don’t understand why anyone would want someone to be with them purely out of necessity. I always planned on marrying someone out of love, as did UT senior and criminology major Cassandra Paige.
“Love is something that as a little girl is talked up so much,” Paige said. “Everyone looks up to princesses and fairytales, and love is the epic ending. When that’s what we see, that’s what we want.” An ideal marriage for girls is one that is overflowing with love, and we don’t want to settle for anything less, Paige continued.
Men that are uncomfortable with independent women are losing their wives everyday because of this. An article on MSN.com reported that 44 percent of marriages end because they lacked a sense of equality.
Many men don’t want to share the responsibilities, and when women try to help it’s like men are insulted. It’s as if they think women feel they are inadequate when they are really just trying to be helpful. I’ve even seen it happen within my own family. It’s a bigger issue than people think it is. But since more women are now economically independent, we don’t have to stick around and put up with a man’s nonsense.
Stubborn men need to start learning to embrace confident women. Our independence is important to us. It makes us feel good when we accomplish something for ourselves. And any guy that tries to take that away from us is just a selfish a**hole. Unfortunately for you, Forney, insecure women are learning every day that they don’t need guys like you to provide for them or make them feel like they’re good enough. Women know what they’re worth, and they deserve better.
Caitlin Malone can be reached at caitlin.malone@spartans.ut.edu