People love talking about themselves. As much of a generalization that may be, it is indubitably true. Everyone has a unique story, an exciting tale of heroes and villains, blessings and tragedies, a unique plot that unravels in the first person, where the individual triumphs over those tragedies and becomes that hero of their own story.
It makes sense, why people enjoy sharing while they can. When we come to pass away our tombstone will simply read “date of birth – date of death.” It’s almost morbid. But I have been told, what matters most is the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time we spent alive on Earth. A popular poem by Linda Ellis claims that life is all about how we spend our dash, what we do. I disagree; it’s also how we share it, and this is my story.
Growing up in a middle class household was incredible with the family I have been blessed with. My scarily fit and undeniably Italian father, serving as state police officer, and my incredible mother working in the classroom, assisting children with special needs, are two of the most loving individuals. I had the life some kids dream about: summer vacations with the family, playing every sport imaginable, good grades, solid support, insanely close friends both fulfilling in quality and quantity.
In 6th grade I began a personal struggle that although over time has been defeated, it is not dead. Being unique is what makes us stand out; it’s a good thing. Yet, the realization that you’re different in middle school is a different story. The realization that you’re different in a way that even mainstream media and society views you as an inferior is incomprehensible at a young age. The solution is easy: you conform, for fear of losing those that supposedly care about you most. How to fit in became second nature, and I became pretty observant.
High school was filled with even greater accomplishments. I gained more friends, earned the number one rank in my class and the title of homecoming king, Mr. Phoenix, competed as a two-sport varsity athlete, and devoted the rest of my time to 16 other clubs. I was the happiest you could be- on the surface. Every incredible day and opportunity was vanquished by fear of people finding out who I truly was and that they would side with society and leave me as the outcast I again and again told myself I was. At this point, the biggest blessing and curse was how well I began to understand people: what motivated them, how they reacted. Being observant led to me being extremely aware.
Why a curse? Imagine walking through the halls and hearing people refer to an open individual as “the gay kid.” Imagine overhearing your mother make a comment of disapproval when two males kiss on television. Imagine seeing one of your acquaintances in high school completely avoid his best friend who found enough courage to accept his sexuality. Imagine society telling you it is not only wrong for you to marry the person you love, but illegal. Imagine hearing stories of individuals who have taken his or her life simply because they’re like you. Imagine wishing you could change and trying – failing. Yet people still claim it is a choice. Imagine friends using a word that classifies you as an insult and imagine having to laugh along with them for fear of being out-ed. I was observant to an unhealthy degree, the reason I devoted so much time and effort to trying my hardest, being well liked, being me while lying to my friends and family.
See, the trouble with closeted individuals is the inability to move past the stereotype. In doing so, they let society influence their opinion, and see themselves as a gay person as opposed to a person that happens to be gay. Lack of confidence affects self-esteem, and they become defined by what they fail to accept about themselves. If you can’t accept who you are, why should the rest of society?
I said it was a blessing, too, being observant. For each of those heart-wrenching scenarios an inner desire was instilled in me, a desire to break down barriers and stereotypes for the gay community and utilize my confidence to show that being gay does not define you- unless you let it. What should have been a brainless realization was rightfully difficult to come to terms with. I knew what the first step was. Senior year, I turned on that light in the closet, found the knob, and walked out with tears in my eyes and some extremely sweaty palms into the loving arms of my best friend and family.
I opened up to my best friend, then my sister, who was 12 at the time, followed by my brother, 22, at different times throughout the year. One night, the four of us ambled up to my parents’ room and shared the “news,” if you will. Truthfully, it was hard for them to understand at first. I was bombarded with questions as I sat there holding my sisters hand. My favorite: “How do you know?” To which I replied, “How did you know you were straight?” It took only a second of confusion and recognition before my mother jumped up and gave me a hug I can still feel today. Like I said earlier, I am lucky to have two of the most supportive parents.
After this milestone, I was more empowered than ever. I went on to study abroad in Ireland and England through the honors program, selected as a University of Tampa diplomat while maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and took on three internships, a part-time job, 18 credit hours, 12 hours of dance a week, intramural sports, and additional clubs all in one semester. I may look great on paper, but I wouldn’t consider that as my true accomplishment. My main accomplishment has been excelling in the classroom, work environment and community while being proud of who I am. Taking it one step further, I said it is not what we do with our dash, but how we share it.
Since coming out of the closet in 2010, I have shared my story, although never written it down on paper. I have helped 14 individuals walk out of the closet proudly and held my friend’s hand as she cried, but came out to her parents. I understand that I am extremely blessed and not every coming out story has its happily ever after. I have been extremely encouraging over social media outlets and an avid supporter of the “It Gets Better” campaign. But trust me, I know it’s hard to believe that things will just “get better.” And truthfully, what does that even mean? It’s kind of naïve to tell yourself, “Oh, it’ll get better.” There needs to be some effort. You have to make it better. Confidence. If you’re proud of who you are, no one can knock you down.
I am sharing my experience. Sharing it in hopes of making a difference in the life of another. One person can make a difference, but together we can create change. Too many lives have been lost and voices left unheard for us to sit back on our couch and just expect it to “get better.” We need to accept each other. It starts with accepting ourselves. If you’re reading this and you’re stuck in that same dark closet I am all too familiar with, I hope this shed enough light through the crack for you to find the knob.
Share your story and open your ears to that of another- and accept it. Learn from it. This was not a pity party for the gay community; this is just my story. A story filled with more blessings than tragedies and more heroes than villains. A story that I am proud of.
I can’t tell if I am supposed to find this guy and worship him or what? I see why some think he took it a bit far, but I also think making a big deal out of this trivializes it. Soooo, you came out of the closet. Good for you. Go on with your life and quit being so self serving with it. Had you toned down the “I am awesome” rhetoric, no one would have anything to say about it. Instead, we got to see how awesome your life has already been. This could alienate those who didn’t have such an awesome life or a good support system in place. You see, kids at UT fail to realize that not everyone has it as easy as they do. When you go around bragging, they don’t say “gee, I can do that too!”. Instead, they say “damn, I wish I had it as easy as he does”. I know, those worshipping you here will disagree with what I am saying. It’s America; have at it.
Anyways, now that I got that off my chest. Congrats to you for having the courage to come out and then write about it. Too many kids these days are afraid to do just that and when they see more stories like this it could help them. Now, move on and do big things.
this is pretty gay
Make that 15 people you helped. You were helping people before you even knew it. I remember in 2010, Danielle came to me and proudly told me her story. I didn’t ask why because I knew. I too jumped up and hugged her knowing the struggles she must have been through. Her story ended with: “PK inspired me”. Thank you PK for helping my daughter end her struggles and love herself as much as I love her.
I think that I am honestly missing something in all of these comments. I don’t think that anyone is gay bashing, but I think one of these people, and most likely more than one has a problem with this article. Part of it maybe they do not like the author. I do not know him and thus cannot pass judgement.
The article is well written. I think some of the verbiage used throughout is not part of his everyday vernacular though. I don’t take offense to the telling of the story, but I do take offense to the statement “See, the trouble with closeted individuals is the inability to move past the stereotype.” The trouble with people in the closet? That is the phrasing you choose to use? There is nothing wrong with them, and by no means are they less of a person than anyone else as he has implied. Lots of factors keep people in the closet, and to generalize a whole sect of people who chose to remain in hiding for whatever the reason, is rude and inconsiderate. It could be they are just shallow and ignorant, but what is more likely is that their home-life precludes them from being able to live the way they want. Or their work prevents them from doing so, and sometimes it hard to see the choice between being who you are and doing what you love as easy.
I applaud the authors efforts at helping people “come out of the closet”, and I hate that phrasing, as it in and of itself is negative. This article does read as self-aggrandizing though, and while I have to say good for you, this is not a discussion in which “look at how great everything is for me” should be included.
People,
Do not feed the trolls.
When you respond, they win.
Act as if they do not exist.
That is all.
To all the ignorant people using this article as their Gay-bash hour, you’re missing the point. While I am a straight man, I can see this article was written, not to brag, but to show people that no matter how perfect life appears to be on the outside, there can still be things eating at people within. PK is a figure to be looked up to, showing people that it is ok to be themselves while disregarding exactly what these “Student Readers” (those too afraid to reveal themselves and own up to who they actually are) are exemplifying in this feed.
I believe many people struggling with similar issues will find relief when seeing there are other people like them. I know people will question my sexual orientation for defending the man but honestly its a shame that you even care. Live your own life and show thanks to the people living positively.
This is in reguards to the person who wrote the post bashing this young mans plight…
I’m glad you got your little soap box moment off your chest. He was simply sharing his experience, nothing more. Telling his side of the story, it’s true people come out every day. However, the fact he had the courage to say something and put his story out there for people to see, to maybe learn from his story. Life is about learning experiences, is it not? If you can take one piece of information out of anything someone’s story has to offer, bad and good alike, you come away with knowledge. Thought that’s what we are going for in the world, people helping people. Telling life events or things we’ve learned along the way. You can tell he’s bright, well spoken, and talented. You made mention of that, rather negatively, but still you know he is indeed smart. If he did use a thesaurus, so what? Is that not a good thing? Damn you Mr. Creedon! How dare you sound educated! Your University must be so shocked with your perfect grammar and clever word choice! The fact that he shared his story speaks volumes to the man he will become. He’s not the best gay out there, he’s the best PK he could be. And his so called “hallmark publicity stunt” was a saying by a poet. You’re going to sit here and tell me you have never listened to a song and it put life in perspective for you, showed you joy, pain, laughter, or a little emotion that may provoke you to look at things a little different. I will call you a liar right to your face. If you haven’t you might want to listen to better music. The man can tell his tale any way he pleases, I mean you read the artical didn’t you, the whole thing, if it was really as terrible as you say it is why not stop reading. Write for the school paper and see how many people read your random drivel. I’m not sayin, but I’m just sayin. He’s entitled to his story, if it helps people, then it would worth it in my book. People helping people, it’s powerful stuff. If you can’t see that then I guess there is no hope for the world, and we should all just give up. Is that what you want, people trying to help and getting ridiculed for it? I learned something from your post, something I will take with me for the rest of my days, some stupid options are better left unsaid. Keep up the good work PK, keep that chin up! Don’t let some people ruin a good thing.
Student Reader,
What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
I just want to say Thank you, PK, for writing such a beautifully written Article. This story was so similar to mine I was tearing up while reading it :). You are such an amazing person and impress hundreds of people everyday by your big heart and kindness to everyone. This article will help people who haven’t come out to feel like they have support and that it’s ok to be different. Again, thank you for writing this article, it is truly inspirational.
Student reader d bag it sounds a lot like you’re angry about this individual rather than happy for his bravery. Someone needs a hug, huh? You should be proud of PK for being a man and coming out. I went to highschool with him and he has always been the nicest, good hearted individual. If you want to attack this extremely well-written article, perhaps you should stop being jealous of his honesty and success and see it as inspiration. No, I am not gay, but I have friends and family that are and they are to be judged no differently. Who do you think you are critisizing this article? As if you could do any better? Get real. Congrats PK, awesome job. #smokeabbroumadorsomething?
All I can say is wow. Another great coming out story…except you actually managed to trivialize the entire coming out process. If it wasn’t your obvious over use of a thesaurus and your clearly better than everyone attitude (who uses a umlaut), then it was the way you managed to rub your perfect life in everyone’s face that really made you come off as a douche. I’m sorry but you came out of the closet, bravo people do it everyday. It can be to themselves it can be to the world. Or it can be to their plants. The main fact is that ITS THEIR DECISION to come out or not. And the fact that you tell people that if they don’t come out, then society shouldn’t accept them really makes you as bad as any hate crime committer.
You take this whole thing too far. You are telling us all how great and wonderful your life has always been, proclaiming I am a better person than you. But you even take it further, by practically dawning a cape announcing that you are the best gay person around. You posted statistics on how many people you helped come out. Your next article should be “A sexual Reference” where you have your success rates of acceptance posted, and give the best techniques to “turn the knob”…so to speak. News flash, you said it yourself but must have forgotten it during your Hallmark card publicity stunt (i’m talking about the dash crap). You say that being gay doesn’t define you, well you let this whole article say being gay defines me. So instead of making gay a way of life and a “disability” to get publicity…try letting it be, and moving on with yours.
I have always respected you for your efforts and achievements, but I respect you even more for just simply being exactly who you are. I feel blessed to have even gotten the chance to go to high school with you. Keep on pushing forward, PK. 🙂 You’re wonderful.
PK, I am proud of you for sharing this…and very proud to know you. You are so correct, when you say you walk with confidence. You can tell you have an amazing supportive family. This makes being who you are, easier.
I wish you much more success in your, already, over achieving life. Just remember to always stop and smell the roses….its cant always be about making a statement or difference.
I know you live life…you have great adventures and you are loved by many! It takes a lot to be someone like you. You will make differences in this world!
Im glad to have known you!
PK
Heartfelt story . I know it has and will help others. Keep up the writing and support.
Here is my story..
I can tell you that I have helped
friends come out, and was honored to be able to do so. I knew way back
when someone was not straight and back then in early 70’s people kept it hid
I would want people to be able to be free and be who they are upfront and I always was for
the underdog so would be the one yo go up to the new girl or guy in school and befriend them I have been blessed as well
Charmed childhood Great life
Wicked happily married since college in the antiques and art world and have lots of dogs Haha
I also have as many gay friends as straight and I can tell you that no one
differentiates between or says”She’s straight or he’s gay”
It is no matter to us . Maybe someday it won’t
matter to others who view any one who is not like them
different. Of course I like different 🙂
I wish you theist wonderful of times!
A straight old Cape Cod wicked woman 🙂
doG Bless
My wife and I graduated from the University of Tampa and were married that same day, June 5, 1966. You make us proud for many reasons; your honesty being one. Secondly and very importantly, you are undoubtedly helping thousands of others in the process. Bullying and suicides are huge concerns of all of us. I am sure that what you are doing, now by writing your story, and your talks and all achievements, coupled with the knowledge that you are a proud and deserving person, make us so happy to know about you. Congratulations. The University must be proud also!