The tech world is abuzz with the news that more than half a million Macs were infected with malware.
As a Mac Elitist myself (a title you get by being condescending to any of your friends that own PCs) I’ve touted how superior my MacBook is over any other computer, frequently citing how safe it is. I guess that’s no longer an option.
This year has been crazy so far. Tyrannosaurus Rexes have feathers, Facebook just bought some app I don’t care about and now Macs get viruses? Is nothing sacred anymore? Dinosaurs. Pinterest. And yes, even Macs. Nothing is safe. So here are a few things people think are 100 percent secure, but won’t be anymore. If my MacBook can get infected, if a dinosaur can look like a chicken, then what is left to be spoiled in this world?
Here’s a list.
Pants
Like the Mac, you think pants are safe. Nobody would be bothered to hack into pants of all things. But just you wait. One day you’re downloading an update to your zipper, the next all of your pocket passwords are stolen and you have malware in your crotch.
Newspapers
It’s not the newspaper industry I’m concerned about, it’s the coupons. What will people snip without newspapers? Where will I do my crossword? Where will I be able to find a coupon for crosswords? It’s a mystery, and a dark one at that. Like a Dan Brown novel.
Nipples
You thought a Tyrannosaurus Rex couldn’t have feathers? You were mistaken. So can nipples. It’s only a matter of time before science finds the connection between Chik-Fil-A and mammaries. And once that happens, say goodbye to bras and hello to KFC buckets.
Revolving Doors
Facebook is going to buy them.
Keys
What could be more safe than keys? Their sole utility is to lock things up to make them secure. The only thing that’s better at keeping something safe is a lock. But that’s just what Obama wants you to think. The reality is, keys have GPS in them. And it’s only a matter of time before your key stops locking up, and starts locking down.
The Color Yellow
Aliens or something.
Google
Hah, just kidding! Google will always be safe.
Richard Solomon can be reached at R.Solomon14@Gmail.com