From the “Messed-up Mondays,” “Tipsy Tuesdays,” “Wasted Wednesdays,” to the “Thirsty Thursdays,” alcohol consumption can be a daily thing in college.
It’s a time when people let loose and forget about the stresses of class schedules and other strains of college life. It’s also a time where liquid courage and personality transformations occur.
Once a person has hit their desired level of intoxication, their mind takes a little break and the liquor takes over.
Alcohol is like the catalyst that turns people into their alter egos and I’ve narrowed the list down to five. For every sober personality, there is a drunken one that comes along with it.
For instance, there’s the nice guy that suddenly wants to fight everyone. Sober, he’s cool with everyone and everybody likes to be around him. Once he’s drunk he becomes aggressive and all he wants to do is fight.
Typically, he’s the one that blacks out and ends up apologizing the next day for trying to punch you in the face the night before. This can also go for girls too. Girls already gossip when they are sober but after a few drinks are in their system they become more inclined to get in someone else’s face and tell them what’s on their mind. This leads to a screaming match of threats, but in most cases nothing ever gets physical.
I don’t know why, but alcohol tends to trigger anger in many people. Angry drunks are definitely the ones to stay away from. Trying to calm down an angry drunk is really a hit or miss, so be cautious.
Then, there is the slutty girl that surprisingly becomes sluttier. This is not to be confused with the innocent girl that gets some liquid courage and dances on the bar and makes out with a random guy. That girl will regret it the next day. The slutty one, however, will just pretend it never happen, but will continue to do it whenever she drinks.
Let’s not forget the girl that suddenly likes to kiss other girls. Not entirely positive what it is about alcohol that can change some one’s interest in which sex they like, but it’s becoming far too common with females. When sober she likes guys, but after a few shots, she’s kissing girls. They have even earned a name “barsexuals.” The first time I heard that was on the Tyra Show, but it now has its own definition on Urbandictionary.com. Guys tend to stare in amazement and hope for a show and girls pray that they aren’t the next victim (sometimes).
Number four on this list is the drunk texter. Now this person can come in different forms. They can be the funny drunk that sends texts that read things “Heyyysy imsooo druenjkk righthttjtt nowwaswwwq.” It’s like a secret code in which they expect the receiver to decode.
Then there is the emotional drunk texter. They are the ones that for some reason want to text their ex telling him how much they miss them or how much they wish they’re burn in hell, either way, they’ll regret that conversation in the morning.
Last but not least there is the “I’m the life of the party” drunk A.K.A. the sloppy drunks. Think Snooki and Deena from Jersey Shore, the mentality is one in the same. The more they drink the more fun they believe they’re having. They just fail to realize that the more the drink, the dumber they look. They’re the ones that fall, have wardrobe malfunctions and usually say or do things that are extremely inappropriate. Sloppy drunks usually don’t know when enough alcohol is enough. If you try to cut one off, prepare for rebellion.
Of course there are many more of types of drunks out there, but these are the ones seen most often. They’re mostly spotted at clubs or bars and sometimes even just walking down the street in places like Ybor City. They are the funniest people to watch if you happen to be sober, but they are the worst people to take care of if they are with you.
If you happen to be one of these kinds of drunks, you might want to reevaluate your drinking habits. The people that are watching you are not watching you because you’re someone they want to party with; they are watching you because your intoxicated antics are obnoxious and they need something to talk about.
You’re number one on the list.
For those who happen to be friends with these types of drunks, I’m sorry. I wish you luck.
Dominique Barchus can be reached at dominique.barchus@spartans.ut.edu.