Terengganu, a state in northeastern Malaysia, is attracting the eye of civil rights groups after its controversial announcement of a new boot camp. This is not a military camp, but one for schoolboys with “effeminate tendencies.” The camp lasts four days and includes religious lectures and physical training.
At first, I was concerned that Malaysia was raising an army of sashaying young men, but upon closer examination it turns out that the boot camp is there to stamp out effeminate tendencies from schoolboys. Can I just be the first to say that we need one of these here in Florida? As a straight, white male living in a southern state, I often feel limited regarding places I can go. Only 96 percent of the stores, businesses, restaurants and community centers are designed to support me and it’s a relief knowing there’s one more location on the planet intended specifically to make guys more heterosexual.
Actually, I wish I had had one of these boot camps growing up. I don’t know what “effeminate tendencies” entail, but I’m all about being taught how to be manlier. I once wore a pink t-shirt in eighth grade. I mean, it was for breast cancer awareness, and nobody said anything negative to me and it was for a good cause, but the very act of wearing pink has caused me sexual confusion. Because, it’s pink.Homosexuality is illegal in Malaysia. But Malaysia isn’t like America; it’s not going to just punish criminal activity the way we do.
No, it’s about fixing the problem at the source. So Terengganu is going to target these kids while they’re still in their developmental years, before they even have a chance to know what sex is.Which makes sense. After all, if I were a 13-year-old with “effeminate tendencies,” I know I’d like to be pulled out of school, sent to a boot camp with a bunch of other boys and forced to do physical activities with them.
This would absolutely make me not a homosexual. We’d be all sweaty together, working out and eating together, spending all four days with each other, sleeping together in a dark room at night. I’d leave there such a man.Maybe I did have something like this in high school, actually. That sounds a lot like how my cross-country team would train together during the summer.And what guy out there couldn’t use some lessons in masculinity? Young men shouldn’t be allowed to “develop feminine traits” at all. We can’t have young boys pursuing the arts and cooking — or whatever a feminine trait is (liking the show Glee?)
But still, they’ve got a good idea. Some uppity reader might argue that if we stopped our kids from pursuing the arts, we wouldn’t have people like Al Pacino, who acted a lot in his teenage years. Without men cooking we wouldn’t have Emeril Lagasse, Wolfgang Puck or Gordon Ramsey.
That same uppity reader would point out how kilts originated in the Scottish Highlands and were being worn by the military with great pride.Growing up, my middle school had P.E. once every day. We should have gotten rid of the once-a-month art class my school made optional and had more P.E., but, no. We had to have that optional class once every 30 days.
Do you see how prejudiced people are against supplying opportunities for stereotypical straight males? Sometimes I get frustrated by all the pressures that come with being heterosexual. I could unwind and play a video game, but with games like Dragon Age or The Sims, which allow players to play a homosexual character, there is no safe haven. That means only a significant majority of R-rated games are tailored toward me. That’s barely a lot! Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe Neil Patrick Harris went to one of these boot camps.
I heard he’s gay, but he plays a straight guy on How I Met Your Mother. It must have been the boot camp that did that. His character Barney Stinson is much more adjusted than he would be in real life. Malaysia has the right idea.Their boot camp can’t be anything but successful. I can’t see a single flaw in the system.
I’m going to go out, get me a wife, have a bunch of children and then send all of the boys off to this boot camp. Because four days in Malaysia will ensure they don’t form “feminine traits that could hamper their future.” Thanks, Malaysia.
Richard Solomon can be reached at richard.solomon@spartans.ut.edu.