Dear Eric,
Since the beginning of this year I’ve been dating a guy who has just gotten out of a long-term relationship.
His ex-girlfriend is still “in the picture,” but he claims they are just friends.
He says he wants to “be there for her” like she was there for him over the years.
Should I pursue anything further when he is still his exes beck-and-call-boy?
Sincerely,
Girlfriend #2
Dear Girlfriend #2,
Before you make any big decisions about the relationship, make sure that you cover all your bases.
Since it sounds like you want a monogamous relationship, he should not be fooling around with other women.
His ex may be just his friend, they may have drifted apart as lovers and decided they were best suited as friends.
Let’s assume he’s not cheating, but keep an eye out for signs that might tell you otherwise.
If you notice the amount of sex you are having increases or decreases dramatically or if you notice awkwardness when she calls, he may be cheating.
Make sure you have enough evidence before you take action to leave the relationship.
If you are feeling too jealous over the whole thing, think about why you may be jealous. Perhaps you feel that the time they spend together could be spent with you or that it’s unfair that she gets time with him at all.
These are normal thoughts to have. Express them to your partner, keeping him informed on how you feel about this friendship.
When you talk to your partner, try to reach a healthy medium between the relationships.
You are the girlfriend; she is the friend. The best way he can be there for his ex is to not always be there.
This will help her move on and allow you two to advance your relationship.
He doesn’t have to completely cut her out of the picture, but you should be his priority over her.
Of course if he is sleeping with her, then dump him.
Keep me updated!
Eric
Have Questions? Send your sex, love and relationship questions to Eric Zorn at ezornUT@gmail.com. Make sure your subject box contains the word, “UTampa.”
Make sure that you are always practicing safe sex. For even more information about staying safer between the sheets visit the Planned Parenthood website of FAQ’s about safer sex.