Based on last week’s issue with a student being left out of housing and being forced to sleep outside, it made me take a closer look at everything around me at UT and I figured out the truth which is UT is all part of a mafia front.
It’s been so obvious this whole time with all the “construction”, the “expansion” of our campus, and the fact that our school is becoming more and more driven by money itself.
First, look at our school’s location. Our campus is only a couple miles from the port of Tampa making it that much easier to pick up any “packages” being delivered by boat.
We’re only a three hour car ride from Miami, and what would be a more convenient stop along the long trip up north to drop off “goods” than Tampa?
Next, think about our campus. The school is supplying us with beautiful new buildings and palm trees all around, great dorms with convenient dining, and anything else a student could need but that’s all just a distraction.
All that extra money we’re paying through tuition and even individual pieces of paper now has to be going somewhere right?
Well it is, to all that “construction” (very original). Sure we’ve had a chapel being built for what feels like the last ten years, (being built with bricks of what by the way?) but that chapel is being funded by “The Godfather” aka John Sykes. So what’s the construction we’re really funding?
There’s the new health center and science buildings being built (which would be perfect for mass producing some kind of chemical substance) but the other big move we’ve seen is the University buying out Valencia Gardens.
It would only be a coincidence that one of the biggest Mexican drug cartel leaders would be named Oscar Nava Valencia right? Maybe Valencia Gardens has been threatening UT’s “business” so they decided to buy them out to make sure they ran a monopoly on the whole Tampa area.
And besides the expansions we know about, what about all those days where water is unexpectedly turned off for some random period of time because of “more construction”.
Those mass emails never really explain anything in detail, they just let us know “waters going to be off” because construction workers are “digging” around the area.
With such vague details, maybe it’s not so much digging going on as it is burying.
So if the mafia really was running UT, there would probably be a lot of Italian students with family ties to “the business”.
Well in case you haven’t noticed from all the last names (and black wife beaters and love for club music) it seems like %50 of all students at UT conveniently have some sort of Italian background. Along with that, many students also happen to have sports cars like BMW’s and Mercedes which would be perfect for long efficient drives up north, where they all happen to live, just in case anything needs to be “transported” from UT to New York, New Jersey or Massachusetts.
Finally we have our two biggest players behind the UT mafia, President Ronald Vaughn and our biggest financial contributor John Sykes. President Vaughn conveniently has a background in “business and marketing” and based on UT’s website; once Vaughn became President in 1995 “the University’s annual budget grew from $28 million to $135 million.”
That sure is a huge amount of growth over a short period of time.
Now Vaughn has his own building named after him with the exclusive top floor where he holds numerous “meetings” and even has his own private entrance to his office so he can come to and from campus without being seen.
Vaughn really does do a good job of not being seen, 75% of students probably don’t know what he looks like at all (which is just how he wants it).
And just like any mafia, Vaughn makes sure nobody gets a product without the money upfront because in this tough business you can’t trust anybody. Even if that means, “oh you don’t have the money yet? Then you don’t get a bed yet…”
Finally we come to the man behind everything, John Sykes. Since Vaughn began his reign, Sykes has been there every step of the way funding his “projects”. Sure the way we see it his contributions have been “charitable donations” but maybe it’s more of an investment.
The only problem was with mass expansion of “business” the campus ran out of room to hold everything and they needed more buildings.
But it needed to be a place that would take up a lot of room but be as unsuspicious as possible too.
They needed a building that would be so innocent that it would be the last place anyone would ever suspect them to hide something.
Some place like a Chapel.
At least when Sykes’ granddaughter inevitably gets married in the Sykes Chapel, we can ask for one favor, “on the day of his (grand) daughter’s wedding.”
John Jacobs can be reached at jjacobs@spartans.ut.edu.
hahahahha mad funny!
I want what he is smoking.
Not only is this not funny, dumb, and weird, it is terribly written. Hit English 101 John cause you can’t write!
Shane, learn how to speak. Your comment didn’t make any sense.
And this is obviously a joke. If any of you read anything in commentary you’d realize that half of the articles are just meant to get a rise.
So don’t be such tight asses.
this “the man” kid sounds like hes just jealous hes not part of “the family.” its adult time son, go sit at the kids table.
I drive an 07 BMW 335i with an aftermarket exhaust, intake and tune. But yes, i love cheaters and Maury. Good call bra.
This John Jacobs kid just sounds like he is jealous. He is probablly from one of those shitty states like VA, MD, or DE and wishes he where from the northeast. He should take the toyota corolla he drives and park it up his ass for writing this slander about our institution… Probably just sits on his couch all day and watches cheaters or maury.
Persephone…if that’s your real name… Oh my bad, it is!!!
What a ridiculous article?! Really???? Where do you get your facts from? “…any students also happen to have sports cars like BMW’s and Mercedes.” MANY???? Did you actually went into the parking garages and count all the BMW’s and Benzs????
Its a humorous article.
Perhaps it doesn’t qualify for your standards of humor.
UT Student
The article is very humorous. Its not that serious. From reading the article, the author has not insulted the daughter.
UT Student…if that is your real name…learn the meaning of satire, okay? that whoosing noise you heard was the article going over your head. At least I’m assuming the article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek ;p
This is absolutley ridiculous. I cannot believe this was actually published in the minaret. It makes me sick, why would you pull sykes granddaughter into your ridiculous claims? This is all gossip and it really pisses me off, John Sykes has donated to our school and the city of Tampa and we should be grateful. Where do you think it is okay to insult grandaughter? Grow up.