If you read last week’s article you know where you can go to maybe find someone who is worthy boyfriend/girlfriend material. But what happens if you get that first date?
So many times people make some major first date mistakes.
First of all keep it light and fun. No major first dates of insane dressing up and over priced food. No one can relax in that situation.
If you’ve met through a sporting event or something like that, you could use that as a first date. It’s something you already have in common and feel comfortable with.
Or because you’ve met there and you may want to seem like you have a life outside of baseball and a dinner out is nice.
But where for dinner? Again, ladies realize that most of you (not all) don’t want to come across as spoiled brats, so choose a place that isn’t going to break this guy’s bank account.
So Bern’s Steakhouse is out, unless of course this guy is the heir to like Microsoft or a Yankee’s player.
Choose a place with some variety if you don’t know what they do and don’t like. If you know a food that you both like, like sushi or seafood then go to a place that’s reputable. Trying new places can be fun, but things off the beaten path may lead to an upset stomach.
Atmosphere is also important. Make sure it’s a place you can hear the other person, but not so reserved that if you breathe the room knows.
Also, be forewarned of going to places that your friends frequent.
Though your friends should meet this guy at some point, having them spy or sit a table next to you will offer a wonderful awkward turtle moment.
Other good first date alternatives are movies (not much talking if you get nervous easily), bowling (being active is good!), the aquarium (you can walk and talk… or enjoy the fish if the date is sinking like the Titanic).
So once you’ve picked a place to eat or place to go here are some rules of etiquette.
Be careful of messy foods like spaghetti. Having red noodles hanging from your mouth on the first date doesn’t scream please kiss me and take me home to mom.
Also, no talking with your mouth full, that’s just not attractive and rude.
Common decencies are important, looking someone in the eye when you talk to them, attentively listening (even if you want to gouge your eye out with a sharp object), just being overall respectful.
Ordering an alcoholic beverage at dinner—I wouldn’t really recommend it unless it’s like a beer at a baseball game. Use your judgment and see if they order something or offer to buy you a drink.
Otherwise I would show that you can be an adult on a date without alcohol.
Conversation is key. I know I’m an open book and will pretty much tell you anything you ask about my life.
But there has to be a censor sometimes. First impressions are important and if you start in on how much you hate or love something, it could be a major turn off.
I am also all for honesty, but be careful being too honest or upfront with people when you first meet them. In this culture we live in, we think we are “honest” but sometimes it just comes off as being rude or judgmental.
Unless you know someone is passionate for or against something stay away from shoving certain topics down your date’s throat–politics, religion, the future and how many kids you want to have and the names you already have picked out (they will run in terror), personal family matters (fights, etc), ex’s (this is a convo for later if you two become serious), money, etc.
Most of the things are common sense, but at the same time don’t get too caught up in complaining about your boss or how much you just spent on some Jimmy Choo’s.
Because trust me, he doesn’t know or care who Jimmy Choo is and what your shoes look like.
I don’t want to come off as wanting you to change everything about yourself.
One thing that bothers me about dating shows such as Millionaire Matchmaker, is that the women have to dress a certain way before they are allowed to meet the men.
First impressions are definitely important, but I would never suggest losing your identity for a guy.
With that being said, I also wouldn’t recommend showing up in your pajamas or after a week of not showering.
Now what should our expectations be of our date?
Ladies, as much as we want to be swept off our feet, guys take awhile to get on their feet. Don’t expect flowers, every door opened, someone fanning you and feeding you grapes.
Let’s get a grip here. Yes, doors being held open and chairs being pulled out are things I think guys should do, but he’s nervous too and may forget to do everything on your prince charming checklist.
In the end just make sure that you are being respectful and being respected. Have some fun and get that second date and maybe a lasting relationship!
If you don’t get that date, don’t worry about it. For me I’m completely happy being single and am not looking for anything any time soon.
Either way do what makes you happy and make sure you meet people who also make you happy.
Heather Gromley can be reached at hgroms@gmail.com.