University of Tampa students eager to hear one young woman’s account of her long struggle with depression and addiction gathered in Reeves Theater last Wednesday.
Renee Yohe, who inspired others to begin the non-profit movement To Write Love on Her Arms, was 12 years old when she began cutting herself. Yohe’s story—spanning more than 10 years—tells of depression, self-injury, homelessness, physical and sexual abuse and multiple suicide attempts.
To Write Love on Her Arms is an organization providing hope and finding support for those suffering from mental illness and addiction. The organization took off in 2006 when a group of Yohe’s friends decided they wanted to find a way to pay for her treatment. Yohe, now sober, tours by herself to tell her own story in the hopes of helping others.
“I came from a good home,” Yohe said at the beginning of her address to the crowd in Reeves. “My parents loved me very much and I guess if anything it almost invalidated things I struggled with on the inside.”
Yohe struggled with depression and panic attacks at a young age. After cutting herself for the first time when she was 12, she started experimenting with alcohol and drugs. After one night of drinking, she was raped. Later on she attempted suicide and her parents put her in counseling. Yohe said she did well for a while, but by her senior year in high school was again drinking and cutting. At the age of 18, she left home to live on the streets because she wanted to protect her family from her behavior.
“My story entails a lot of things like that,” Yohe said. “There were a lot of patterns of running and of trying to protect other people from me and getting myself in trouble.”
While living on the streets, Yohe was again raped. She went back to the person who raped her, staying for months in an abusive relationship.
Yohe’s parents soon begged her to go to rehab.
“Again, it was not the cure-all,” said Yohe. “But it was one of the best decisions I made: to go and get help.”
It took Yohe a second time in rehab before she was able to remain sober for a long period of time: nearly three years.
“I started a new life,” she said. “During those three years I had so many wonderful opportunities… I was having the privilege to come and talk to people. People were looking to me.”
Yohe soon realized, though, that there was pressure building inside her.
“[I had to] live up to standards and expectations that I felt were being put on me to be the girl in a story,” Yohe said. “And the story leaves it with maybe a bit of uncertainty, but really the expectation was that I was better now.”
Clinging to expectations of perfection left Yohe miserable. After one speaking event, she attempted suicide again in her hotel room. She lived, but then attempted suicide again. During this attempt, however, she said she had a “brief moment of clarity” and called her father for help. She realized in that moment that she did want to live.
At 22, Yohe went back to rehab and stayed for four months in a treatment center. After about a year off, Yohe went back to touring. The University of Tampa is only Yohe’s second speaking event since leaving rehab.
“One of the biggest things I’ve had to learn, even though I’d said it a million times, is that this a journey,” she said. “Recovery and healing… this is a process.”
Yohe said that today she tries to no longer punish herself for her mistakes.
“If I can have some grace for myself, I can have freedom,” she said. “It’s not this perfect pretty gift-wrapped box that I can present. But I think if anything, people can relate to that. I don’t know who can relate to perfection.”
Yohe said her sobriety is something she works on every day but she knows when she relapsed she didn’t end back up where she started.
“Whatever things that you’re fighting through, never give up,” she told her audience. “You’re going to fall down over and over again, but the beautiful thing is that you can get back up.”
Cases of Mental Illness on the Rise
During the speaking event, Yohe said she did not believe her story was unique in any way.
“Bits and pieces of it are your story, your story, your story,” she said. “Maybe you’ve never dealt with addiction, maybe you’ve never had a problem with alcohol, maybe cutting is the most absurd thing to you and it makes absolutely no sense. And that’s okay. Maybe you don’t know exactly what I’ve been through, but I know that every person in here knows what pain is.”
In November of 2009, many college counseling centers were seeing an increase in the rate of students seeking help for mental illnesses, according to a report by the Philadelphia Inquirer.
Additionally, the American College Health Association said that in spring 2008, nearly 15 percent of college students had been diagnosed with depression, an increase from the 10 percent of students in 2000.
Gina Firth, associate dean of students, said she did not have the statistics to say whether the number of student concerns were going up or down at UT. She did say, though, that it has felt like a busy year.
“Anecdotally, it feels to me that we’re getting more every year,” she said. She also said that nationally, she believed reported cases of mental illness have been going up.
Firth said mental health issues seem to be more prevalent for two reasons.
“First of all, mental health issues are basically out of the closet,” she said. “They’re not nearly as secretive or as shame-based as they were in the past, which is a really good thing. More people are seeking treatment for mental health issues than they ever have before.”
Firth said another reason there might be more cases is because there are now more students at the college level that would not have considered applying to college in years past.
“Because we’re better able to manage and treat mental illnesses, students who are struggling with those [types of issues] are able to continue with their education,” she said. “And we’re seeing more of those at the college level.
Awareness and Help
When asked if she thought there was enough awareness about the severities of mental illness, Firth said she didn’t think so.
“I don’t think that the general public has a good awareness of that,” she said. “So that would probably trickle down into student awareness.”
Firth said, however, that 10 to 20 years ago, mental health was not talked about as openly.
“I do think that we’re going to continue to grow in this area,” she said. “I’ve seen in my career it continually become more and more discussed. It’s only going to increase.”
In an interview with The Minaret, Yohe also said she believed that in the future there will be more opportunities for people to open up about mental illness.
“It just takes one person opening up their mouth and being willing to share and it catches on,” she said.
“Oftentimes people in the past have thought of mental health issues as a character flaw or a personality issue, said Firth. “But it’s an illness.”
Firth said that depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders and cutting behaviors can all be related in many ways.
“If someone is using substances in an abusive way, over time it actually can create depression,” she said. “If someone is depressed and doesn’t get help and starts to self-medicate, oftentimes they end up abusing alcohol and other drugs because they’re depressed. There’s a relationship between all of these mental illnesses that’s important to recognize. Sometimes they can get linked together.”
Firth said that each year during orientation, incoming freshman are made aware of help available for those suffering from mental illness. Additionally, a mental health screening is made available on campus every fall. A mental health screening can also be found online at the Health Center website. Firth encourages students to use the tools campus offers to checkup and see how they are doing.
UT also used to have a chapter of Active Minds, an organization that raises awareness among college students about mental heath issues.
“I was really excited when they started a couple years ago,” Firth said. “I would love to see that organization come back and become very active on our campus because I think we really need it. I think there’s more that we can do; more that can be done.”
She added that she would like to see some students take the initiative to get Active Minds running again.
Firth stressed that those who feel they are struggling seek help. UT students can make an appointment at the Health and Counseling center.
“Depression in particular is something that’s treatable,” she said. “And there is no point in going through life feeling miserable and hopeless and sad all the time when there’s people who can help and there’s treatments that work.”
Friends also should not be afraid to step in.
“The friend is already in trouble,” said Firth. “If somebody’s depressed or anxious or having difficulty with an addiction, alcohol or other drug problem, these types of illnesses can lead to some pretty serious consequences. A true friend is somebody that reaches out in a time of need. So worrying about getting somebody in trouble who’s already in trouble is kind of a moot point.”
Friends can reach out to other friends by talking with them, filling out a Student of Concern form or talking to hall staff. (See sidebar for more details).
“You can’t do harm by referring somebody,” Firth said.
Yohe said that while she has to work each day at her sobriety, getting help was the best thing that happened.
“When we talk about those things, they lose power over us,” she said. “There is a catch phrase, ‘secrets keep you sick.’ You can hold onto those things all you want, and it’s going to keep poisoning you. Those are some of the first steps… asking for help.”
Yohe said that she has had to bash the idea that things are going to be perfect now.
“We’re going to make mistakes,” she said. “We’re going to fall and find ourselves back in some kind of pattern. And the biggest thing is to not lose hope because there is a way out. We may not do it perfectly, but that’s okay.”