“It Is What It Is”: How To Find Love in the New Year

“It is what it is,” my father often says. The phrase has stuck with me for most of my life and especially into college.

Now what does it mean? I feel it means we need to take everything as it comes. We all need to be a little less dramatic and realize that it really is what it is.

We don’t always have control over things and sometimes you can’t change the outcome or the inevitability.

But how often do we ever take a step back and think about the situation at hand… especially in relationships. This is your spring 2010 relationship/social column.

Ah, the new year, a time of new outfits, increased gym time, reuniting with friends from winter break, grumbling about classes (because let’s be serious, who goes to college for actual education anymore?) and of course the hopes of finding a new relationship or sustaining the one you’re in.

Resolutions come and go as fast as the drinks at MacDinton’s happy hour.

Everyone, including myself, would love to think I could find a new man (or girl if you’re a guy) in 2010.

And of course we all think we’re going to find better people than we found in 2009.

The problem is people don’t change from 2009-2010, especially at a college where the school year wraps around two years. The type of people you’re meeting and where you’re meeting them at hasn’t really changed.

Let’s face it, Ybor is still going to be sketchy, the guidos are still out there and of course the high maintenance “drunk” girls will never cease to exist.

I’m not telling you to start hanging out with a completely new group of friends or not to go out. But there is a small chance that the clientele at these places will change, it is what it is. Then again there is nothing wrong with meeting new people in a social setting.

That’s when we’re most free and sociably, right?

I’ve had many friends who have met guys out and have exchanged numbers. The issue comes after with girls, in the back of our minds we constantly wonder when or if they’re going to call and we try to remember as many details about the boy as possible.

I’m sorry ladies, but let’s get real here, is it good to be obsessing over some guy’s phone call, especially if you just met him?

Too many times I’ve heard my friends (some of my guy friends too) become completely obsessed with someone they barely know. Or they feel like they know this person because of Facebook, which is a whole other article in itself.

But people, it is what it is. I don’t remember any long lasting relationships coming from any drunken/sociable nights out with strangers. Now relationships coming out of drunken nights with friends, who you’ve known for awhile, and once again a whole other article.

Now I do applaud you for your bravery in social situations. We all have that one friend who makes friends everywhere they go and on the flip side a friend who thinks several people are good looking but won’t make a move to save their life. I bet you’re thinking of them now, I sure am.

And that’s good that we all have introverted and extroverted friends, love and relationships wouldn’t be so much fun without them.

Now I am no expert on love, or people for that matter, but I think of myself as someone who is able to step back and see most things as “it is what it is.” I will try to be fair to both sexes and would love feedback for this column. Let me know what you think or want to talk about.

Here are some things to think about as we start our spring 2010 semester.

First of all, if you want 2010 to be different and you want to meet someone, then you have to take the risks and chances. Don’t sit by and hope they will come to you, because most of the time someone may also like you, but also doesn’t have the balls (like you) to do anything.

Once you take a chance, it will get easier and easier. And talking to someone new, well, it is what it is, no stress.
Second, life is short; live it up.

This doesn’t mean go out every night and be ridiculous. I’m saying don’t take people for granted or waste your time with petty fights. Embrace all of your relationships within your life (friends, family, etc) and make amazing memories with them.

Through it all boyfriends and girlfriends may come and go, but your family and friends are the ones who have seen you grow and will be there for you. Life is what it is, so you might as well make it amazing.

And thirdly, be yourself. Don’t hide behind the stereotypical “college kid,” “jock,” “sorority girl,” etc.

For instance, I am content knowing that I need at least an hour of time away from people a day, I really like video games, I could live on the beach forever, I hate ice cream in cones and I am a hopeless romantic that would like to find love again in 2010.

Know who you are so that other people can find things to love about you. You can’t expect to find a relationship or love in 2010 if you don’t know who you are.

So love in 2010, whether for your family, friends, your cat, car, sex, chocolate or someone new, remember it is what it is.

You can’t change the people that go out, you can’t change someone’s mind if they don’t like you, you can’t take the Jersey Shore out of some people, you can’t make the cab less than $3 a person and you can’t make the line to get in go any faster.

You can change your attitude, you can love yourself and most importantly you can realize that it is what it is, now what are you going to do about it?

Heather Gromley can be reached at hgromley@ut.edu.