Get the Situation on MTV’s Wildly Tanned and Popular Show

MTV’s Jersey Shore is, without a doubt, the most controversial and popular show right now.

If you don’t know what it is imagine MTV’s Real World set in a house on the Jersey shore with the most ridiculous cast of self titled guidos MTV could find.

Whether you hate the show or love it people can’t help but watch every episode.

It’s like an accident on the highway you should just drive by, but you can’t help but slow down and stare at it.

First, to run down some of the roommates on this show, we start off with the great character Mike “The Situation” (son of Dan “the instigation” and Lana “the position”). Mike is a 27 year old from Staten Island, who refers to himself and most other nouns throughout the show as “the situation.”

“Did you hear about that situation with the situation? Talk about a situation, I almost got my situation situation’d.”
Mike also prides himself on his body which he self describes as “ripped up like Rambo” and has obnoxiously large arms which are equivalent in circumference to a child’s waist.

Mike is also one of the most entertaining roommates on the show because he’s an endless source of classic quotes.

“If I walked in the door and saw myself, I’d probably grab my girl real quick.”

“…It’s not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it’s just a matter of when I decide.”

With confidence like that, how could any girl resist a guy like this!

And my personal favorite quote is when Mike is talking to a girl and it cuts away to him explaining what’s going on and he says, “I’m talking to my girl, Pauly D is talking to his girl. We’re going to have sex. That’s the situation.”
I think that has to be the most basic way anything has ever been explained in the history of the world. Just the way he says it I feel like I could see this as a question on a test.

“Question: If Mike is talking to his girl, and Pauly D is talking to his girl, what is the situation? Answer: They’re going to have sex.”

Then we have Nicole a.k.a. “Snooki,” the 5’0 tall self titled “queen of the guidettes.” She has a “poof” the size of a softball on her head and is tan to the point where she can only be described as “dark orange.”

A friend referred to her as “the Indian girl,” and when I told him she was just very tan Italian he responded, “Oh my God…”

Snooki’s main goal at the house is to find “a tan juice-head guido” at the Jersey shore, and it’s shocking she hasn’t found one yet

(Stop your encouraging them!).

She’s had no luck however but has managed to get punched in the face by a man.

Then we have Pauly D from Rhode Island who’s been deemed by some of his other roommates as “the ultimate guido” (and they mean that as a compliment).

He proudly admits he spends 25 minutes to prepare his hair everyday and is covered in tattoos which look like he just flipped through a book and picked random stuff.

There are four other roommates on the show who are basically and exactly what you would expect: a bartender with fake breasts, a guy who looks like he’s been working out since birth, his newly made girlfriend appropriately nicknamed “sweetheart,” a guy who just drinks all the time and a girl who was kicked off the show because she didn’t “work.”

If you were wondering what the point of the show was, MTV films these seven lucky people who have to work at a boardwalk T-shirt shop in exchange for living in a house and being on TV. (Sounds like a fair trade right?)

The show breakdown consists of two minutes showing the roommates at work, then the rest of the time is broken up between showing them go to clubs, drink at the house, fight each other, fight random people, hook up with each other, hook up with random people and say “are you friggin serious” countless times per episode.

Also, if you ever wanted to learn more synonyms for “having sex,” Jersey Shore can help you on that because throughout the show the guys love to refer to that act in more appropriate ways.

Two of my favorite ones used are “pound out” and “smush,” neither sound appealing at all when referring to sex!

I’m pretty sure a girl wouldn’t enjoy hearing, “I know we’ve only been out a few times, but I really like you and I was just hoping maybe you’d let me pound you out tonight.”

And if she did respond positively, most likely she’s not a girl you would want to “pound out.”

Still, the Jersey Shore is one of the most entertaining shows on TV right now, however, as awesome as the show sounds, it’s been very controversial and some advertisers have even pulled their commercials from being shown during the show due to the negative stereotype it brings to Italians.

But it’s not like MTV portrays all the cast mates as superficial, loud, arrogant, short tempered, sex crazed people… oh wait.

John Jacobs can be reached at jjacobs@ut.edu.