If you’re like me, the night is never over after coming back from whatever club, bar or party you attended.

That’s when the fun part of the night begins; figuring out where you’re going to get something to eat!
Getting back to campus around 2-3 in the morning you can never go to sleep, because you haven’t eaten anything since 7 p.m.

The possible combinations of food you could be eating are now running through your head. And because we have anywhere between 2-7 carryout menus shot under our doors every day, the possibilities are endless!

With pizza, burgers, wings, pasta, subs, Chinese, burritos and sushi available for delivery, you can get anything you want!

Even if you don’t particularly like a type of food, you’ll order it just because it’s convenient and you have a menu for it.

“Dude, have you ever eaten at that Ethiopian restaurant before?”

“No.”

“Me neither, but get excited cause I just ordered $60 worth of food from them cause they’re open!”

“Yay!” (Followed by high fives and tears of joy).

Of course, while you’re ordering, you only plan on buying food for yourself, but it turns into thanksgiving dinner as everyone on your floor suddenly joins in on the order. The issue of “who owes what?” starts.

We’ve all taken years of math, but when it comes to food orders, simple adding and subtracting skills disappear.
“Wait, so four of us each ordered something at a different price? This isn’t going to work.”

On the other hand, if you chose to turn your desire for food into a journey, there are a few 24 hour spots not too far from campus which are perfect for the wasted—I mean hungry, college students to enjoy.

There’s Salem’s, which is right up West Kennedy about a mile from campus. Imagine the food stand Tony Montana worked at in the beginning of “Scarface” turned into a restaurant.

Instead of spending money on silly things like a working bathroom, nice tables or better ingredients for the food, Salem’s has a giant projector TV (usually on a Spanish speaking channel) and a giant multi-colored leather couch. Where do they come up with these genius ideas!

The food is worth the trip though, whatever you wanted to eat they probably won’t have, but you’ll settle for a steak gyro and be somewhat satisfied by it!

If you don’t want to travel outside of your comfort zone and put Salems to the test, another place to try on your quest for food is IHOP. It really can’t get much better than The International House of Pa(i)ncakes when it comes to late night (early morning) dining.

As long as you don’t mind the smell of cheap coffee and the feeling of eating in a lodge from a bad horror movie IHOP is perfect! And after a long night out, nothing will make you feel “better” than a big stack of chocolate chip pancakes covered in strawberry syrup!

And the transition from having over ten places to eat on campus during the day to none after one in the morning is a huge change. During the day, students can be as lazy as possible when it comes to eating on campus, or just going anywhere in general.

Imagine what your day could potentially be like living in Stadium. “What do you plan on doing today?”

“Well I was going to get some coffee, start my laundry then probably eat Mexican for lunch at some point. Then do some homework, get pasta or maybe pizza for dinner and watch a bit of the men’s soccer game, then probably get some ice cream before going to bed.”

“Wow, sounds like you’re going to be all over the place today.” “No, actually I haven’t been outside in about a week now. It’s still September right?”

The one place open semi-late on campus to eat is the Spartan Club in Vaughn. I think it’s the only place that could get old the first time you eat at it.

You can only eat a 3 piece chicken tender meal so many times before you start to get physically and mentally depressed. Walking back from Spartan Club always feels like I just got out of a really sad movie.

Of course, the school could keep dining on campus open later, but that would make too much sense, which is why the school doesn’t do it.

The University would easily make up the money it costs to keep things open later by the amount of students coming to eat. Why do you think there are so many restaurants that deliver food up until 3 or 4 a.m.? Because nothing on campus is open and everyone awake is still hungry!

So the next time the daily famine begins on campus you can: try ordering in from one of the many extremely healthy delivery places, go for a trip, try one of the classy 24 hour restaurants or walk to metro mart, eat the fried chicken and miss your morning classes due to a stomach virus.

John Jacobs can be reached at jjacobs@ut.edu.