Pfft, come on! Like anyone looks at those tags, bro … — At 11:35 a.m. on Oct. 1, UT Security observed a vehicle on the unregistered list near the Faculty Fairground Office. As of press time, the vehicle has not registered to park on campus. A towing company was contacted and the vehicle was removed from campus.

No means of entry? But then … how did they … ? — At 1:26 p.m. on Oct. 1, UT Security was contacted to report a vehicle in the West Parking Garage which was broken into and from which some items were missing. Tampa police were contacted. No visible means of entry were found.

Obviously, this guy has never been inside The Minaret office on a Tuesday night. — At 1:00 p.m. on Oct. 1, UT Security was dispatched in reference to verbal disturbance near the Faculty Fairground Office. Upon arrival, security was met by one individual who complained of a student using profanity.

Low speed collision. — At 4:00 p.m. on Oct. 2, UT Security’s evening supervisor was informed of an accident involving two golf carts in Plant Park.

Must … have … new rake! — At 6:35 p.m. on Oct. 2, UT Security was contacted in reference to an unknown person seen inside of the fenced area to the facilities storage area on North A Street. Security detained the person until Tampa police arrived and issued a trespass warning.

Got a little too thirsty, there. — At 4:40 a.m. on Oct. 3, UT Security responded to a call of possible alcohol poisoning in Brevard Hall. After several attempts to get a response from the student, security called 911. Paramedics arrived and determined that the student did not need to be transported to a hospital.

Crunch — At 8:35 a.m. on Oct. 3, UT Security was contacted to report a hit and run vehicle accident in the lot behind Walker Hall. The student was advised to contact Tampa police to report the incident for insurance purposes.

Sounds like this guy needs to drink more milk. — At 4:30 p.m. on Oct. 3, UT Security was contacted to report an injury that occured while walking down the stairs in Plant Hall.

Not so shagadelic, baby. — At 6:06 a.m. on Oct. 4, UT Security responded to a medical situation in Austin Hall. Upon arrival, a student requested transport to a hospital. Security transported the student to the hospital emergency room.

UT Rebukes the Outside World — At 3:45 p.m. on Oct. 4, UT Security observed a man on campus near Pepin/Rood Field who stated he was homeless. Tampa police were notified and the individual was issued a trespass warning.

Splat — At 3:15 a.m. on Oct. 5, UT Security responded to a call of a student that fell in Brevard Hall. Security contacted paramedics who suggested she go to the hospital. The student was transported to the hospital by a roommate.

If you guys can’t be more responsible with those carts … — At 11:30 a.m. on Oct. 5, UT Security was contacted to report a hit and run vehicle accident near the Intramural Field.

Do Not Pass Go — At 3:25 p.m. on Oct. 5, UT Security was contacted by Tampa police detectives with an arrest warrant. The detectives requested assistance to locate a student. The student was found, arrested and transported to jail by Tampa police.

Guys, seriously! They’re going to take our golf carts away! — At 4:10 p.m. on Oct. 5, UT Security was contacted to report a facilities employee’s golf cart that was involved in a minor vehicle accident near North B Street.

Lockdown — At 11:30 a.m. on Oct. 6, UT Security responded to a call concerning a broken lock in the Vaughn Center. The dial on the face of the lock was removed. A student requested security cut the lock off from a locker for removal of personal items.

The problem with cell phone threats? Caller ID. — At 8:25 p.m. on Oct. 7, UT Security was contacted to report a threatening message on a cell phone in Kennedy Place.