Rabbits on the road
The most congestedhighway in Hungary, which connects Budapest with Vienna, closed down this past week after a truck transporting rabbits crashed, leaving 5,000 of them loose on the road. The several hour clean-up efforts involved the Hungarian forces’ finest officers, with tactics such as roadblocks, street sweeping, and Trix cereal. The latter tactic was thwarted, however, by the interception of children, taunting: ‘Silly rabbits, Trix are for kids.’
Three-minute break-up
A Berlin based entrepreneur found his business booming this past year, with over 200 relationships in eleven months. Bernd Dressler charges $68 a break-up for delivering the ‘break-up message’ to the unwitting partner. According to Dressler, ‘breaking the bad news’ only takes about three minutes if properly done. At The Minaret, we don’t know about you, but we’d at least ask for a facebook message if you want to break up with someone. Anything over some stranger approaching with ‘He doesn’t love you anymore.’ Talk about bad taste!
Evolution at work
Though it died roughly 68 million years ago, an adolescent female Tyrannosaurus rex was recently found with bones which still contain the soft tissue intact. This provided for further suspicion, through a comparison of the protein’s chemical structure, that there may have been a direct evolutionary link between the T. rex and the chicken. Just imagine, modern science reveals the ultimate paradox: the biggest predator becomes the biggest chicken! For the biological cause of this emasculation, scientists are still searching the cadaver for any traces of Trix cereal.
Here comes the bride
This past week saw the recovery of approximately 1,000 stolen wedding dresses at the Mexican border. If the suspects are pursued, they will be able to walk down the aisle to the jailhouse! Though the verdict is still out on the motive that drove the suspects to abandon the dresses, it is widely suspected that they had an urgent reason to get rid of the dresses. They were last seen in an Arizona diner, having eggs, bacon and coffee with Bernd Dressler.
Trouble at the job
A 17-year-old plumber in Britain burned down a $5 million mansion in a horrible soldering accident last week. The torch accidentally made contact with polystyrene foam in the roof. It was his first day on the job. Kind of like Victor O’Brien’s last days at The Minaret, no?
Administrative Attack
A man in Greece was arrested for assaulting the mayor of his town for failing to repair a pothole. Reportedly, the man went to the mayor’s house and punched him when he opened the door. In a related story, a sentry has been posted outside of President Vaughn’s door in response to outrage over some missing bricks near Plant Hall.
Beer and football
The Green Bay Press Gazette reported that the Wisconsin Senate voted to OK free samples of beer to be given out at supermarkets. Mysteriously, The Minaret will reporting on the Packers’ training camp for the next few weeks.