The National Park Service announced this week a plan to “make over” the National Mall in Washington, D.C. This is to be the first major renovation of the Mall in over a century.
I have never visited Washington D.C. before, but the Park Service assures me that the National Mall is not the spectacle it once was. Apparently 25 million visitors a year have caused cracked sidewalks, not-so-pretty bathrooms and an eroded lawn.
In an effort to make the National Mall more attractive and represent our country properly, they are opening up a nationwide suggestion box. I’m sure they will receive plenty of responses saying “Leave it the way it was,” or “Just make modern improvements on what we have.”
Because of this, I am here to make a few suggestions of my own that many other people would be afraid to offer.
My first proposal is that we turn the National Mall into an actual mall. What better way to represent America than with a shop-til-you drop extravaganza? Some minor changes would need to be made to the current layout of the Mall to accommodate a real shopping mall though. The Smithsonian and a few other museums currently surround the outdoor portion of the Mall.
I’m sure we could find an area nearby that they could relocate what we affectionately call “the nation’s attic,” so we could better use the buildings for the new National Mall. While we’re making changes, wouldn’t it make more sense to name the new mall “The Mall of America” and make them rename the one in Minneapolis? I thought so.
I sense that some people may not like all of the changes involved in turning the National Mall into a real mall, so I’ve come prepared with a backup plan. Most kids who visit Washington D.C. on family vacations or school trips get bored after the fourth museum tour, so I have the solution: an amusement park. It’s really the perfect solution when you think about it.
A national amusement park would create appeal for all generations to visit our nation’s capital. Adults and intellectuals can go to the museums and monuments, and the kids and immature adults can go to Six Flags, Washington D.C.
Granted, since the open area of the Mall is only a mile long and not even 1/4th of a mile wide, this wouldn’t be the largest amusement park in the country. We’ll just have to make the best park we can out of the limited space.
My final idea comes courtesy of our friends at Google. For any of you who have used Google Earth, Google’s free program that allows people to view any portion of the world via satellite images, you know that they allow people to make posts about points of interest. What if the National Park Service teamed up with Google to create an interactive tour of the area as told by the users of Google Earth?
I know it sounds kind of lame compared to the amusement park idea, but this could still be fun for those history nerds out there who enjoy learning random facts that they don’t tell you about on normal tours.
It would work like those signs you see around Tampa that mark historic places, only these would have LCD screens built in that display information posted by Google users. Like I said, it’s no amusement park, but we don’t always get our first choice.
Now is the part where I encourage you all to go to the National Park Service’s website and fill their suggestion box with the idea that you like the most or even one that you think might be better. Remember, if you mention me enough in your suggestion, they might dedicate the National Mall renovation in my honor.
Here’s the web address: http://www.nps.gov/nationalmallplan. Now get out there and make your country better, bro!