The Iraq War is officially four years old as of this past week. It’s the week’s biggest story in international politics, but I won’t be commenting on it. It’s too risky. The chances that I would offend some people are far too great, and I certainly don’t want to do that. Once someone is offended, the slippery slope commences: offense gives way to thought and introspection, possibly leading to debate and analysis, discourse and synthesis; the jaws of Satan are literally pried open!
Instead, I’ll focus my energies elsewhere, toward the lofty goal of not offending a single reader in any way. In this spirit, it’s worth discussing the classic television series ‘Sesame Street.’ The good news is that the show is in no way mentally engaging ‘- in fact, it’s a giant insult to your intelligence as a reader! Since getting offended usually involves being mentally engaged in some manner, this topic, therefore, should be no cause for concern.
So, let’s discuss ‘Sesame Street.’ Awarded 109 Emmy Awards in only 37 seasons of work, it certainly has a long and rich history well worth studying.
Still in its incipient stage in the late 1960s, ‘Sesame Street’ held an extremely successful television special which starred the likes of Ralph Nader. This was well before Ralph became a presidential candidate and activist, making statements such as ‘the current illegal war and occupation have devastated [Iraq],’ referring to the barbarous fate that America has inflicted on the Iraqi people in recent years. Oh, I’m sorry; I seem to have strayed from my ‘Sesame Street’ topic. Please don’t be offended, anyone. I promise that I hold the exact same views that you do’mdash;each and every one of you’mdash;when it comes to thought-provoking issues.
Anyway, ‘Sesame Street’ shortly became a hit, winning its first Emmy Award in the 1970s. By the following decade, it felt ready to tackle some heavy issues for children. On Thanksgiving Day 1983, the show aired a monumental episode dealing directly with death. While Big Bird is unsuccessfully searching for his friend Mr. Cooper, the adults inform him directly and without euphemisms that Mr. Cooper has died and is not going to return.
Big Bird eventually learns to cope with the memories that Mr. Cooper has left behind. The episode was a true landmark for the show and would’ve no doubt been relevant to Iraqi children who had to watch a generation of their mothers and fathers being mutilated by American missiles and tanks’mdash;though it wouldn’t have been particularly effective on a half million of them, all under five years old, who were agonizingly killed by our sanctions a decade ago.Damn, I beg your pardon. I think that last sentence may contain some form of a contentious issue that matters, which means that it brings the possibility of offending someone along with it. This, as you know, is what I am, above all else, seeking to avoid, and I assure you that whatever opinion you hold on the matter, however unfounded, is perfectly correct.
Back to our childish and non-offensive theme: ‘Sesame Street.’ Coming into the modern era, the show has remarkably managed to evolve and stay relevant. The proof of this comes in the form of its continuation of pertinent specials, such as the one aired in December of 2006 on ‘Sesame Workshop.’ Hosted by Cuba Gooding, Jr., the informative program used Elmo and other favorites to address the problems of young children whose mother or father may be facing deployment to Iraq. Since the program was geared to a low comprehension level, it probably didn’t venture to inform the military children of the Iraqis their age facing destruction due to this illegal war, which just celebrated its four year anniversary (longer than American involvement in World War II). Oh, sorry, there I go again. I mean ‘support our troops,’ ‘God bless America’ and any other enervative slogan that I’m supposed to append to every anti-war comment that I make *cues Star-Spangled Banner*.
Well, that rounds up our historical tour of the children’s show ‘Sesame Street.’ While I do lament that I wasn’t able to comment on the big news story this week, that of the Iraq War’s four year anniversary, what is of primary importance to me is that I make sure that nothing that I write ever offends a reader of any stripe. Luckily the discussion of ‘Sesame Street,’ however juvenile, allowed me to reach that principal goal, since it was able to avoid mention of all touchy and important issues. All writers should take a page from my book, and learn to save the debate of heated and decisive issues for the opinion section of their newspapers.
This article was brought to you by the letter s and the number 9.