Before I left for my semester in England, I was thinking about my pending absence from The Minaret staff. I promised I would return with an article about romance abroad, but honestly felt skeptical about how far I could run with it. I feared for a lack of significant experiences. I did have an academic mark to make, after all, and felt positive that love would be the last thing on my mind (but if it wasn’t, I fully expected it to become equipped with a sexy English accent).
Turns out I went halfway across the world to fall for another American.
Meeting him was like a movie scene: the crowded pub, the intense first eye contact, the “let me buy you a welcome to Oxford” drink. The weeks that followed were surreal in the way we were both consumed by each other, but the initial infatuation eventually had to give way to real life. We both had other commitments, our status wasn’t exactly defined, the gates of miscommunication opened.
I realized so much of what he was doing, what was upsetting me, stirred a different reaction than it ever would at home. There were red flags that would have sent me running had I been back at UT, but I was determined to make it work; I wanted this love affair to be one for the books. I had fallen victim to some kind of “fairytale syndrome” that drove logic away, opting for raw emotion instead. For anyone preparing to spend a semester away from UT, it’s one of the biggest sicknesses I’d warn you to keep an eye out for (though the CDC might disagree).
People have different reasons for wanting a relationship while they are abroad. Some want the epic love story, some want to mingle with the new population of potentials in front of them, while others might just want someone to keep them warm at night.
“I think it’s more about the adventure rather than the actual person,” said senior government and world affairs/journalism major Pranav Lokin. “Maybe you want a great story to tell your grandkids one day or maybe you just want to explore every part of you once you’re away from home.”
There is something different about meeting someone while you are away from the realities of home. Whether you realize it or not, everything becomes a romanticized version of the same possible events. We all see it in the movies. The characters go overseas and find themselves lost in passion, whether through falling in love or a few months of great sex. I left home firmly against that mindset, that the trip was mine and no one else’s. I didn’t think I had those idealistic expectations, but it turned out I did.
“I do think that relationships abroad can be romanticized,” said senior government and world affairs major Kristine after recently spending time abroad in Europe. “Relationships may just happen as a part of the euphoria. But, every once in a while, I think love abroad happens for the right reasons between the right people, and in that case, being abroad has nothing to do with it.”
Looking back and pondering my time out of the country, I am flooded with a variety of memories that reflect my semester. But I would be lying if I said I could think of those months without being reminded of the man who is no longer mine. While it isn’t an experience I would ever trade, it is something to think about before you leave. You could be that happy couple that makes it work long distance while the odds stack against you. Or you could wind up associating your trip with painful memories. It’s a gamble and one I recommend giving real thought to before you are caught up in the moment.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a “screw that guy” rant. I don’t think he was a terrible man trying to hurt me. And I don’t think I was a crazy woman with unrealistic expectations. I often wonder how things would have been different had we met at a different time or place. If you meet someone, I guarantee you’ll find yourself asking that out loud and internally more than once. Maybe things would have been equally if not more wonderful—or maybe it would have ended after that first date.
While I’m still convinced the feelings weren’t purely the product of the unfamiliar air, I do believe the outcome was. There is an inevitable sense of desperation that accompanies finding something you’ve always wanted only to realize it has an expiration date. Even if you aren’t leaving the country, some of you might be experiencing this feeling anyway as you and your significant other plan life after college. The way that manifests itself might just bring two people closer—or it could tear them apart.
If you plan to go abroad while you’re in school or just in general, I don’t mean to swear off pursuing someone. I’m surely no expert on this situation and I certainly know of a few couples who met overseas that are still going strong. But I offer a word of caution to keep your head and not let the relationship dominate your trip. Take full advantage of what is likely a once-in-a-lifetime experience and decide how a relationship fits into what you want to remember.
Hannah Webster can be reached at hannah.webster@spartans.ut.edu