The idea that men are breadwinners and women must be taken care of is still deeply ingrained in our society. Whenever a man and woman go out to eat together, it is usually assumed that the man will, and even has the obligation to, pay the bill. This mindset stems from a time when men were the only ones who worked a paying job while women stayed at home to take care of the house and children. In this case, it makes sense that the bill was handed to the man, as he was the one with the money. But now, women are immersed in the working world and there are countless single women and mothers out there working and paying for things themselves, so it is absurd to assume that the man will always be paying.
This stereotyping is not only found in our culture here in the U.S. Over the summer, my parents and I went on vacation to Italy. For the first time, I was able to help pay for the trip by taking care of the food bill. After all the things my parents have done for me, I wanted to give them something special, so I took them out to a rather fancy restaurant.
I noticed that neither my menu nor my mother’s had prices listed on it, so I asked the waiter about it. He simply smiled at me and said, “Oh no, only your father has the menu with prices. You and your mother have the menus without.” I was taken aback, and when I asked him why, he said, “We give women menus without prices here.” Again, I was confused and asked why, and he responded, “Because women are more delicate and we don’t want to bother them with the prices.” I was extremely offended. Apparently I’m too “delicate” to know the price of the food I’m about to order. And of course they assumed my father was paying. I can’t believe the restaurant went out of its way to print menus without prices specifically for women. Why don’t we have the right to know?
Not only is this sexist and disrespectful to women, but I think it’s unfair for men as well. If a man decides to take a woman out on a date and offers to pay, he could get screwed over if the woman unknowingly orders the most expensive meal on the menu.
Although I wanted to angrily tell the waiter all of this, I restrained myself. I was, after all, in a different country with different customs. However, at the end of our meal, the waiter obviously went straight to my father with the bill. When I told him it was me who was paying, he almost fell over from shock.
Unfortunately, it might be pretty difficult to change the societal norm of men paying for women. Every weekend I hear comments about how great it is to be a girl because we don’t have to pay for anything. I’ll admit, it is nice to have your cab paid for and then just walk into a club for free while guys are paying up to $15 entrance fees. However, when you take a step back and think about it, the whole situation is incredibly misogynistic, based off the idea that women need to be taken care of financially. I’ve brought this up with some friends before, but for them, and for most women it seems, the benefit of having everything paid for outweighs their pride and respect for themselves.
If women keep letting men pay for everything, this disgusting norm will never change. The gender that allows itself to be financially dependent in any way to the other is immediately in a subordinate position. So, when we let men pay for us all the time, it does not put us in a higher position because men are catering to us; it leaves us subordinate and pathetically dependent.
The next time you go on a date, think about this: Girls, don’t be afraid to offer to pay or go Dutch. Guys, don’t assume you’re paying. To be clear, I’m not saying that men should never pay for women; it just should not be the assumption. Men and women are both equally capable of paying for themselves or choosing to treat the opposite gender.
Paola Crespo can be reached at paola.crespo@theminaretonline.com
Annabella Palopoli can be reached at annabella.palopoli@theminaretonline.com