Imagine it’s 7 p.m. on Valentine’s Day evening, and you’re at a popular and expensive restaurant. Your sweet boyfriend is quietly sitting across the table from you. It’s a lovely evening, the lights are dimmed and soft violin music is playing in the background. You casually notice the waitress has not visited your table in some time. Out of nowhere, your man snaps his fingers loudly and rudely whistles for the waitress to take his order. You now hide your face, mortified.
Has this ever happened to you? I should hope not, for that’s not exactly how we do things in America. To a German however, this is nothing out of the ordinary. Restaurants in Germany do not usually have a seating hostess at hand, so therefore one must get a server’s attention somehow and in a loud and bustling environment, the louder the better. This is just one of the many little quirks that comes along with dating a guy from a different country.
I never planned on dating a foreigner, it was just something that happened. I’m also going to stop the stereotype right now: in no way do Germans resemble the actors from Beerfest. Admittedly they tend to party hard, but I don’t think you will ever come across a German training for a secret beer-drinking competition. With that out of the way, we’re all aware of the great number of international students attending the University of Tampa. Inevitably, there is going to be some intercultural dating. There are so many different cultures and customs that come along with this kind of relationship, sometimes it’s difficult to keep up.
Ultimately, the language barrier is the biggest issue. There are a few words that don’t quite translate the same from English to German: The word “verabredet” in German has no literal translation in English, and it simply means “to go on a date.” There is also the word “Drachenfutter” which my German told me literally means “dragon food.” Essentially, it’s the gift you buy your significant other (usually the woman) when you’ve done something wrong, usually flowers; it’s the gift you buy to appease the “dragon.”
Occasionally he will have to look up a word on a German translation website he found, but the words don’t always match up. He once tried to tell me that he thought a certain person was “lukewarm” in character but I had to tell him that the word didn’t exactly make sense. I just happen to be an English major, so the grammatical errors stick out to me like a sore thumb. More often than not, the “th” sound in a word will be omitted completely. He tends to get very annoyed when I correct him.
Meeting his parents would also be a pretty difficult task concerning the language barrier as neither one of them speaks English, and I can really only say “Guten Tag” (“Good Day”).
Fortunately for me, and many other couples dealing with this problem, there is a technological way around it. A smartphone app iTranslate Voice allows one to speak a foreign language into the microphone and then have it recite the English translation back to you. This will be very handy for dinner situations instead of having to just nod my head and smile like an idiot at everything his parents say.
Yet aside from the struggles in communication, some of his personality traits really make all of the difference. From my experience with dating American men (and I’m sure many girls out there would agree with me), they can be quite forward and almost aggressive in their manner towards women. Quite often we become an object or possession rather than a potential girlfriend. I realize that there are many exceptions to this, but in essence, chivalry is a dead art in America. The simple action of opening a car door or pulling out a chair for your lady has been totally lost among young couples these days. However, this is not the case in many European countries.
In Germany especially, modesty and respect are fundamental when treating a lady. All relationships begin by getting to know the other person extremely well. Perhaps a little too slow for my taste, but what can you do?
His perspective on the subject of American girls tends to vary. Better explained, he told me, “American girls really know how to have a good time, but it’s very hard to get to know one on a personal level.” Well, besides me of course. He continued, “Most of the girls here don’t appreciate being treated nicely by a man. They just expect that we’re all bad guys without really giving us a chance…I guess that’s just what’s happening at every college.” Well he’s right about American girls having our reservations about men, but if every guy was as quiet and modest as German men, then this wouldn’t be the ever-colorful America.
My boyfriend’s opinion of America in general is rather biased because he’s been living here for four years, but is unchanging nonetheless. As Americans, he thinks we “take a lot of things for granted, like language for example. People from different countries are expected to learn English along with their own language, but many Americans don’t make the effort to learn another language.” He also was very surprised to see how often college students go out to eat throughout the week. I mean, how many of us really know how to cook besides the occasional Easy Mac or Poptart? My cooking skills amount to scrambled eggs, so I find myself lucky to have a chef to make me dinner when the cafeteria gets old.
Pertinent to the upcoming holiday, Valentine’s Day (or Valentinstag) in Germany is certainly not the same as in America. For one thing, it is considered a “mature” subject; you won’t find children exchanging cute little heart shaped cards in Germany.
Slightly contradicting their own modesty, Germans are much more liberal when dealing with matters of sex, if you know what I mean. Let’s just say “I Love You” or “Be Mine” are not the only sayings that go on a Valentine’s card. Also, the pig is celebrated on that day as a symbol of luck and, believe it or not, lust. Imagine every card or present you receive has some version of a pig on it, occasionally in a provocative pose of some sort. It’s a little unsettling. Hopefully this year’s Valentine’s Day I won’t receive a pig-themed object, but hey, it’s his culture and I love that about him.