Not too long ago, I decided to leave my Netflix account on its own for the evening to venture out on a date. The suitor in question and I had gone out before and I managed to avoid enough critically embarrassing moments to be asked out again. The evening was going well. The nearly-full moon hovered above us as we strolled hand-in-hand through downtown, making the mood undeniably romantic.
As we chatted our way through talk of family, friends and hobbies, politics began to rear its ugly head in the conversation. Context clues from previous meetings had given me a fairly clear warning that he was Republican—very Republican, whereas I tend to lean much more towards the Democratic side.
The topic could have been avoided with one craftily distracting sentence, but I figured the truth was bound to come out anyway, so why delay? If my political opinions were a deal breaker, it was better to find out sooner rather than later to avoid wasted time, broken hearts, Ben and Jerry’s binges, etc.
The word “democrat” came out of my mouth and I immediately noted a not-so-subtle sign of surprise, but my date quickly recovered by vocalizing his reaction instead of trying to hide it. Well, at least part of it. He was surprised, but not distraught. It wasn’t the end of the world, or the lovely evening we were having. But in the back of my mind, I wondered if it would stay that way.
We’ve all heard the mantra of “opposites attract” used to describe ideal relationships. In fact, I think anytime I’ve dated someone who differed from me in any extreme way, that phrase would come up eventually, whether from a friend, family member or even myself. And the success of relationships with such differences usually depended on how extreme the opinion difference.
For instance, if the biggest issue is that I’m passionate about frozen yogurt and he is more of an ice cream guy, conflict should be relatively avoidable. But if it is something that comes closer to your heart and the morals you hold most valuable, both parties can become equally upset—and equally defensive.
The conflict between two partners has the potential to create moments of angry passion that would surely result in hours of feverish love-making…at least according to a large portion of romantic comedies. But even if you did have the ability to turn disagreements into a lively debate or even steamy sex, could you coexist comfortably enough with your partner’s different opinions to form a viable relationship?
“Obviously, you have to have some similarities in personality,” said freshman communications major Melissa Pegley on the idea. “But in your differences, you can be very complimentary. If two people are really compatible, disagreements would simply lead to a compromise.”
Outside matters of opinion, factors that set who we are in society can contribute to feeling similar or different to any given person. Things like income, level of intelligence, physical attractiveness and religious beliefs can all stand to either divide or unite two people. The phrase “we were just too different” often appears when I’ve talked to someone about the demise of their relationship. And I know I’ve said it myself.
I believe the answer lies not so much in what two people disagree on, but whether or not they have the ability to look past the surface— to see who someone really is, what they stand for and whether or not that is someone they want to be with. This could be as small as accepting the girl who makes strange noises when she eats because you love her ability to make you smile. Or it could be as large as accepting a man as the kind-hearted atheist he is while you very much believe in God.
“There are situations that exist where people of different backgrounds can coexist,” said senior musical theater major Brandon Zimmerman on the idea of very different people having a functional relationship. “There are plenty of examples made in our pop culture that teach us to be tolerant and help us grow.”
Being with someone who is very different from yourself will undoubtedly bring up instances that make you wrestle with your own beliefs or force you to confront issues you’ve been avoiding. Amidst the attraction you feel for your not-so-like-minded love, you’ll probably find yourself hit with some confusion. But we no longer exist in a world where the differences between two people mean they cannot be together. We are encouraged to learn from those who are different from us to become a more fulfilled person. Perhaps the idea that “opposites attract” plays into the other clichéd yet highly sought after notion of finding your other half.
Hannah Webster can be reached at hannahkarine31@gmail.com