Now that we’ve addressed the UGG issue, which has delightfully incited indignation, I think it is time to address yet another pertinent issue of many adolescents: you smell. Yes, you.
An unreliable source, i.e. the kid living down the hall, conjectures that “perfume was created by French people to mask their body odor, because they never bathed.”
Nevertheless, no one wants to admit that they have body odor, but it turns out that biology is against you: thanks to propionic acid and your sebaceous glands, you smell. Your creepy chemistry partner, your mom and your professor all have body odor. Don’t feel bad; get perfume.
Ladies, Victoria’s Secret Love Spell is the scent of the promiscuous; you’re trying too hard. Gentlemen, Febreeze is not considered cologne; try harder.
To improve humanity, every human being with sweat glands needs to invest in an expensive perfume. The benefit of not buying from Bath and Body Works? The scent lasts substantially longer, as it is more distilled and, thus, more fragrant per drop.
However, do not confuse longevity with simply smelling obnoxious. Wiser than he appeared, an archetypal pothead once told me that “perfume should be discovered, not announced.” I concur
Discreetly spray perfume on your collar bones, wrists or clothes (where it will last the longest). Be there a tropical breeze, I should smell a whiff, not a tidal wave, of your Burberry Brit. To avoid appearing too eager to impress, don’t overload the perfume. Now, to choose one.
There are always the classics for us women. Marc Jacobs Daisy and Juicy Couture are undeniable staples of adolescence. Boyfriends take heed. These are the go-to birthday gift por su novia; they may seem pricey at $90 a bottle, but your girlfriend will adore it and kindly compensate you in the bedroom.
However, I urge you ladies to branch out a bit and experiment with the new designer scents introduced this fall. If you like to go clubbing on week nights and like pink, I suggest Oh, Lola by Marc Jacobs ($88, Bloomingdale’s). It has great floral notes, similar to its younger sister, Lola, but less frilly.
If you like sunscreen and Mediterranean men without shirts, Elie Saab’s La Parfum
is reminiscent of both. Blending cedar wood and white flowers, the perfume evokes a European sense of comfortable refinement that we Americans so eagerly try to emulate.
If you like tweed jackets and curling up with a Jane Austen novel, have daddy pick up the newly introduced Chanel N’19. Rather than the traditional N’5, N’19 is much more fresh. As Coco’s personal perfume, it was “once reserved only for herself and a few intimate friends who could meet its inimitable style.” The fragrance was released to the public shortly after her death in 1971 and has recently been reintroduced to the world. The scent is unabashedly floral and green, inlaid with a base of woody vetiver to give it a sense of Parisian je ne sais quoi.
If you wish you were Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and enjoy rainy afternoons, I suggest the new Burberry Body. Opening with fresh top notes such as peach and green absinthe, the perfume rests in a blend of vanilla, amber and warm sandalwood, an attractive blend to the male gender.
Men, to avoid smelling arrogant, please refrain from wearing Axe. Instead, I believe the sexiest male cologne is Acqua di Gio Pour Homme ($59, Bloomingdale’s). I can guarantee you will get 10 times more action than you did previously sans cologne.
Some tips to keep in mind when buying perfume: upon entering the mall, first head to the perfume counter. Spray each wrist and inside of the elbow with a different perfume. Go shop with your mom for an hour, allowing the scent to cool and lose its alcoholic smell. As the perfume warms with your skin, it will smell perceptively different in comparison to that unnecessary paper perfume sample. In between smelling different perfumes, cleanse your olfactory palette with sniffing coffee beans located on the glass perfume counters. Choose your two favorite and come back and try them another day.
Ninety dollars is a lot to spend on a perfume that actually smells awful. And don’t drown yourself in perfume; you’ll get a migraine. Also, remember that although the women at the perfume counters may appear intimidating, it’s their job to make you happy. So sample as many perfumes as you want. Whether you’re a smelly Parisian or a smelly lax bro, there’s no downfall to smelling good. Just do it.
Katelyn Edwards can be reached at katelyn.edwards@spartans.ut.edu.