Hard Times For Homeless: Begging For Some Change

If you’ve been outside over the last couple years in Tampa, you may have noticed the increasing number of homeless people living on the streets.

Sure, it wasn’t as big of an issue a few years ago, when the only homeless people you really noticed were the novelty ones who just loved drinking Listerine and sleeping in Plant park, but now you can’t pull up to an intersection without seeing homeless people  competing for your charity on the median.

Before, you might have given them  money, but now it feels like conducting a very sad job interview, deciding who to give your change to.
“So, you have two kids and you’ve been unemployed for six months now? Ah. I’m sorry. The homeless guy on Dale Mabry has been unemployed for two years and has four kids. I’m afraid I have to offer the 63 cents to him.”

It’s impossible to miss the growing homeless population, because to pan-handle in Tampa, you’re required to wear a bright neon vest.
Now, homeless people can be judged from a mile away.

Not only are they forced to wear the vests, they have to pay for them.
Being homeless has become a career decision you have to invest money in.

I can’t imagine the thought process one has to go through before coming to the decision to buy that neon vest.
“Well I could use my last $5 to buy one tenth of a crack rock (not that I would know how much crack costs), or I could stop being lazy and invest that money towards being a full-time homeless person!”
Sure, wearing a neon vest to stay visible to commuters may be keeping them safe.

But the fact that the homeless need to spend their own money to buy the vest seems completely counterproductive. That’s why I’ve come up with a perfect solution to this problem. All we need to do is get a bunch of random companies to throw some sponsors on the back of these neon vests (kind of like NASCAR jackets).

The sponsors would provide the vests for the homeless and enough money to buy three meals a day in exchange for the advertisement.
I don’t see why it couldn’t be done. TV has told me that I can feed a starving child in Africa for 10 cents a day (and the TV has never lied), so how much more could it possibly cost to feed a starving homeless man for a day?

If all the homeless agreed to go along with the idea (as if they had any other options), not only would the sponsors be benefiting from the advertising, but the homeless people would slowly become more recognizable.

We would come to know them by their sponsor, not just as a nameless face.
“Oh, look. The Tampax man is dancing in the rain again! Let’s all give him some money for being so pleasant!”
Or, “There goes the McDonald’s man starting a fight with Burger King man … Thank God the Winters and Yonker homeless guy is there to break it up.”

But I have another idea that could potentially work.
What’s one thing a city can never have enough of? Police officers.
And with homeless people spending most of their time out there, who better to regulate the streets?

Give every homeless person a gun and unquestioned authority and let the rest work itself out.
Homelessness is not funny at all and many people don’t understand how hard surviving a day at a time can be.

Putting yourself in the position of a homeless person for one day can really give you a new perspective on life and make you truly appreciate everything you have.

I can honestly say, if it weren’t for the whole lack of food, shelter, clean water, electricity, phone, Internet, TV, car, video games and basic feeling of comfort or safety in general, I would totally think about experiencing it at least once.

John Jacobs can be reached at  jjacobs@spartans.ut.edu.