It was a long, warm Thanksgiving break in Tampa, Fla.; Miles Parks disappeared in what seemed to be pure hibernation. When he awoke, he found his life in shambles; he was down in the basement.
Although The Minaret was taking a week-long vacation during the Thanksgiving break, the pick ‘em lived on.
Saturday afternoon a mass text message was received which read: “MINN @ WAS, GB @ ATL, JAC @ NYG, PHI @ CHI, SD @ INDY. MAKE YOUR PICKS,” sent from the Blackberry of Sports Editor Daniel Feingold.
Feingold had already recorded his picks as he received responses from four writers: Kyle Bennett, Michael Paonessa, Mike Marciano and John Hillsenroth.
There was only one problem as Feingold recorded the picks; where was Miles Parks? Had he vanished to the valleys of Downtown Tampa? Had he fled to the top of the Bank of America building in search of a mountainous holiday?
No one knew.
Afternoon drew to night, while another text message was sent to Parks – no response. Sunday morning. Gameday. 10 a.m. – a phone call to Parks. No answer. What was Feingold to do? He had only one option. Parks was forced to forfeit all five games for the week.
In defense of his manhood, Parks tried to defend himself, attacking Feingold saying that he was “set-up” and confused since we never submit our picks so late in the week. To make matters even better (or worse, for himself)
Parks eventually broke down and said that he thought these five games were for next week – week 13.
A self-proclaimed NFL guru shattered any reputation he had created for himself by trash talking like Cortland Finnegan following his 5-0 week 11.
As it turns out the 0-5 week from Parks really didn’t separate me or Feingold from depths of last place as we both had awful picks for the week.
For contestants like Parks, Feingold and me, it has been a very up and down year – similar to the San Diego Chargers.
It’s like whenever we put ourselves back into a position to take third place away from Paonessa, or maintain pace with the unmistakable football prowess of Marciano and Hillsenroth (both New York fans: Marciano a supporter of the Jets, Hillsenroth a supporter of the Giants) we choke much like the season – and franchise as a whole – of the Buffalo Bills.
If Parks and I continue to keep making the same random picks, we are doomed for eternity in the basement. Or, the opposite, we could be the ones sitting pretty with the number one spot. Only time will tell.
Kyle Bennett can be reached at minaret.sports@gmail.com
I respect the opinions in this article, and I understand that it is meant to be funny, but I don’t understand how bashing another writer on your staff looks good to your paper. Also it’s not even witty enough to be considered well written, it seems like the whole thing is a stretch to be funny.
I would consider sticking to basic reporting and feature profiles. To write such an editorialized article takes practice and skill. Frankly, this fell a little short.
Frank
bragging on your own article? cmon, bro
Definitely went 5-0 this week…the basement no more!