“Hi there, I’m your average male. I like video games and staring at breasts when no one is looking. I’m straight. You can tell I’m straight because I get really defensive and uncomfortable whenever anyone implies differently. It’s not that I’m homophobic. I’m cool with gay people. I love lesbians. I think it’s hot when girls kiss. I just don’t like guys trying to touch me. I’m also insecure and I cry after sex, but only because my father didn’t love me.”
It’s pretty trendy among males in our generation to be as homophobic as possible in order to prove we’re straight.
Well, I should rephrase that: we don’t have a problem with homosexuality, we just have a problem with homosexual guys.
Two girls kiss on the dance floor and every guy is sporting an embarrassing “problem,” the same way I did in seventh grade when I thought about May Tenebaum right before I stood up to lead the Pledge of Allegiance.
I was wearing sweat pants.
It’s okay for straight girls to kiss and have it mean nothing. Whether you’re bisexual, lesbian or just some straight tart that is using the excuse of three shots to pander to what you think the college experience should be, guys will like it.
Ladies, you can be uglier than sin and guys will still never begrudge you your right to tongue another female.
But that’s where we draw the line. Guys can kiss chicks. Chicks can kiss chicks (and they should), but the moment a guy kisses a guy, every male in the room gets super uncomfortable.
And (gasp) even worse, when we have a guy hit on us we’ll be angrier than a redneck with no Nascar.
Why is it that we feel the need to prove our heterosexuality? And why do guys need to prove it by getting aggressive if anyone even suggests he might be gay?
A friend of mine and I were once having a very hung-over talk about the exploits of the night before.
We were each congratulating one another on our respective conquests. He had hooked up with a hot girl and I had actually not been slapped all night, so we both felt triumphant.
“Yeah man,” he said, “that shirt you were wearing was sick. It really made you look buff, bro.” He paused for a few seconds, then added an obligatory, “No homo.” He tried to compliment me, but worried that he had ventured outside of acceptable “bromantic” territory. He distanced himself from his comment by saying “no homo.”
I like girls. I don’t need to remind my friends that I like girls, they know this. I sure as hell don’t get defensive when someone asks if I’m gay.
I’m a guy who likes the arts; it’s pretty par for the course that strangers might not know I’m straight. If someone asks, I tell them I’m straight.
If someone asked if you were single, you wouldn’t threaten to punch them in the face because you have a girlfriend.
In fact, sexual orientation is nearly the only thing guys get defensive about from the start. If you’re wearing a cross and someone asks if you’re Catholic, you don’t hit them in the mouth. You tell them you’re Protestant and explain the difference between crosses and crucifixes.
A buddy of mine is black.
People call him African-American and he just smiles and corrects them, letting them know he’s from Haiti and not America or Africa.
One of my close friends hugs me a lot. People assume we’re dating because she’s so touchy-feely. I don’t flip out because people think we’re together.
This is me pleading with the other guys I share the world with.
There’s no need to lash out to prove your masculinity, no real reason to be aggressive because someone mistakes your sexual orientation.
If you don’t get angry when people make assumptions about your religious ideologies, political views, relationship status, GPA, age, musical taste, relationships with family members, views on marriage, drug use or even your exercise habits, why do you get upset because someone thinks you’re gay?
What about being called “gay” has you so ready to fight?
You won’t hit someone for asking if you’re a father, if you’re pro-choice, if you want to join the military or if you have herpes.
But you’ll freak out if someone suggests you’re homosexual.
I don’t get it. I don’t see how loudly insisting and reasserting your sexual orientation proves it.
Maybe I missed the memo that all other guys got, but somehow I doubt it.
Richard Solomon can be reached at richard.solomon@spartans.ut.edu.
In classic cultures the most “manly” males were those who “dominated” other men. Status was all about hierarchy, and being “on top” of a woman was okay; but topping another man put you at the lead.
I’m glad we see sex less as a power struggle, but I wonder if some men reject the “manliest man” test because they fear being at the bottom of the pile–less in terms of pleasure, than of jeopardizing their standing among other men.
PS And that men find women kissing hot is annoying. When one finds his girlfriend in bed with another woman and they ignore him and his penis completely, he tends to feel different. Women’s sexuality can’t always be for male enjoyment–sorry, Charlie!
Maybe it comes with age, or after you actually accomplish something with your life. I was in the Marine Corps for 9 years, been married 3- and I could care less what someone does with their life.
I think they react that way because their egos are closely tied to their manliness and, therefore, their heterosexuality. But at some point in the maturing process it would be great for everyone if men could put their egos on the back burner and focus on the many other aspects in life that are more important, such as having open and communicative relationships with other people without holding dearly to their egos.
the hug being given in the picture looks like one of the best hugs, ever.
If you find answers can you write a follow-up? I’ve been wondering why guys get so defensive of their sexual orientation for a while. I’d love to read some of responses you get.
cheers!