Gentlemen, imagine, if you will, an intimate setting with your significant other or celebrity of your choice (sure, Megan Fox is fair game).
Things are going well: the champagne has been popped, the candles are lit and mood music plays softly in the background.
But upon reaching the main event, you are forced to move your hand away from the button of her pants to shield your eyes from the gleam radiating from her … nether regions.
Your reaction?
I would assume something along the lines of, “Um?!”
A new craze is invading the modern woman’s take on exactly where rhinestones can go: Vajazzling.
Think of the Bedazzler, but for an entirely different sort of wow-factor. This isn’t exactly the kit your mom used to spice up hand-me-downs.
“What the hell?” exclaimed freshman Will Barton, laughing at the thought of discovering “bling” in the last place he would ever expect it.
“I’d feel shocked because I wouldn’t really expect that. But whatever makes you feel better about yourself.”
In recent years, what women are doing with “down-there-care” has become less of a scandal and more of an average discussion to have at the nail salon. Preferences, tactics and tips are all shared and debated as casually as a grocery list.
It started with the bikini wax, which became more popular as swimsuits got smaller and more revealing. The Brazilian wax took this idea to an extreme with bikini season in mind, but also for the enjoyment of — ahem — others.
But don’t forget, this isn’t without pain. We’re talking about hot wax and an express method of removal on the most sensitive of body parts.
Even those who have just had their eyebrows waxed or plucked (admit it, boys, we know those uni-brows don’t disappear on their own) should be able to imagine the difference in pain levels from above the neck to below the belt.
“Yeah, waxing is a good idea, I guess,” said junior Jillian Bosserdet. “But I’m not a huge fan of pain, so I stick with a razor.”
I’m all for female landscaping, but Vajazzling is an entirely different breed. Waxing and shaving can be justified with practical purposes.
Vajazzling is unique because it is the first practice in female care that can be truly called “just-for-fun.”
It first became popular at New York’s Completely Bare Spa, beginning as an optional post-wax treatment.
But the practice grew quickly and became known amongst celebrities like Jennifer Love Hewitt.
The actress admitted to being Vajazzled on Lopez Tonight and she said her “precious lady shined like a disco ball.”
Vajazzling has become so popular that kits are now available online for a DIY down-there design.
I suppose this is to accommodate those who still want their lady parts to shine, but prefer not to have someone else aid in the application.
Now, I love rhinestones. Admittedly, I went through a horrible phase in which I Bejazzled my phone and iPod, and even my dance team jacket. When the sun hit me just right, the glare could have caused traffic accidents.
But I knew the limits to where my shiny gems belonged and they did not include my “precious lady.” The thought never even occurred to me.
“I just don’t see the point of it,” said freshman Catrina Tadros. “I think girls do it because they are seeking attention.”
As I sit here, clicking through designs on vajazzlekits.com (which range from hearts and lips to dolphins and … footprints?), I’m trying to decide where this belongs on the line between genius and insanity.
My first thought centers around the word “ridiculous,” but if it’s causing such a craze, I can’t help but wonder if there is something to it. Who am I to judge? I’m not about to tell any woman what she can and can’t put on her body, especially on parts that aren’t even visible to most.
Maybe I’ll give it a try for the holidays, like my own personal Christmas tree.
Until then, I’ll be keeping my eye on updates in feminine care.
If we’re putting rhinestones down there now, who knows what will come next? Afraid? Excited?
Stay tuned.
Hannah Webster can be reached at hannahkarine31@gmail.com.