Happy birthday, Internet! Stick forty candles on your metaphorical cake and wish for something nice (no more goatse!). In September of 1969, two University of California computers 15 feet apart began sending information to one another. And so the internet was born. It’s been a crazy forty years. We’ve experienced the good and the bad; the lolcats and two girls one cup. But it’s all been worth it.
As a tribute, I present to you the best and worst the internet has provided us.
The Good
Free Stuff for Everyone!
Back in the day, share-ware was a program crammed onto an 8-inch floppy disk and tacked to a cork board in a Ziplock bag. Now it’s in every corner of the internet.
There’s a jam-packed cornucopia of free programs, music, movies, and stuff readily available on the net, whether they’re obtained legally or illegally.
In fact, freedom is the name of the game when it comes to the internet. People can say whatever they want. They can go wherever they want. And, essentially, they can get whatever they want for completely free. The net is the new wild West (at least, it used to be. The sun seems to be setting on the uncensored, unfiltered Web Coral).
From free versions of Word (Open Office) to music players (check out Winamp) to videos, the internet is the ultimate source for everything that is free.
Instant Messenger
MSN, AIM, Yahoo. Whatever your messenger of choice, these programs have been around since the 90s with millions of users and just as many awkward conversations.
Instant Messenger is one of those great things on the net that doesn’t involve too much data transfer, so it’s been around even since the days of dial-up. But now it’s exploded into other programs and applications.
Gmail’s chat allows users to chat with their contacts right in their email interface Facebook added chat a while back to make their already addictive social networking the equivalent of crack laced with tobacco and chocolate wrapped in bacon. How could you say no to that?
Ever try Omegle? You instantly talk to a random person at the click of a button. The catch is there are no screen names. Everyone is anonymous. This proves to be a formula for some disastrous conversations, but it can be fun with an open mind.
The Bad
Myspace
Every time I log onto Myspace I feel dirty. Sparkling text, foreign letters (ó , ç , œ) and emo screen names are the disease that festers the space of the net called Myspace.
Myspace was the beginning of the whole social networking scene. And while this has brought so much good to the world, the horrendous things that accompany it far outweigh the good. Nothing’s official now until it’s posted onto a social network site (relationship status, occupation, sexual orientation). It’s become a cancer on society that drives down productivity and promotes stalking.
But what’s the worst thing about Myspace? The countless trifling bands flooding the site. Myspace gives these bands hope that they could be something spectacular. It gives them an avenue to spread their music to the world. And if it wasn’t for Myspace, my ears could have been saved from the filth that’s produced from these sub-par emo whiners.
Malware
Remember a few paragraphs up I listed free stuff as one of the great things the net has given us? “Free stuff” can actually be some of the worst the internet has to offer.
You don’t pay for malware, but it happily downloads itself to your computer free of charge (well, I suppose if you subscribe to SuperNakedChicks.com for $49.99 a month and get malware from there you pay for it).
Malware is the great silent destroyer of this age. It infects, slows down, and demolishes your system. And it’s everywhere. Some of it is easy enough to delete through Spybot or Ad-Aware. Others are like a pesky STD that just won’t go away. No matter how much cream you apply and no matter how many pills you take, the damn thing just keeps flaring up.
It’s annoying and it’s here to stay. Try to practice safe surfing; use a firewall.
The Ugly
4chan
If you’ve never heard of 4chan, you have undoubtedly felt its affects. Most of the memes on the internet has spawned from this cyber cesspool. Lolcats, raptor Jesus, and Rick rolling are all the demon children of the site.
They’ve attacked Scientology (through the group Anonymous), crippled AT&T, and scarred many a curious wanderer through unsightly porn that, once seen, can never be unseen.
Never before has there been a culmination of filth on 4chan’s level. The citizens of Sodom and Gamora would blush at the sight.
But it’s this level of atrocity that brings people back for more. It’s like a car wreck; you know you shouldn’t look, but it’s so very hard to look away.
4chan is the embodiment of everything good and bad the internet has to offer. Users are anonymous, so there’s no filter on everyone’s comments. This allows for genuine responses that reflect the true nature of a person. But, to get to all of this, you have to wade through the piles of kiddy-porn and Japanese hentai that surround it.