This isn’t the kind of thing you just walk away from! — At 11:10 a.m. on Jan. 28, UT Security responded to a call of a vehicle in the lot behind Walker Hall with a shattered rear window.

No Austin Powers pun for this one, sadly. — At 11:49 p.m. on Jan. 28, UT Security responded to a call of drugs in the Vaughn Center. A room search was conducted and drugs were found. Students will be referred to the Conduct Board.

Serial shatterer on the loose? — At 1:45 p.m. on Jan. 29, UT Security was dispatched to meet with a student regarding damage to his vehicle near the Thomas Parking Garage.

V.I.M.: Very Improtant Machine — At 12:45 a.m. on Jan. 30, UT Security observed a vending machine in Straz Hall that was not secured.

Give ’em a break, L.A.S.E.R. team wasn’t on duty yet! — At 11:30 a.m. on Jan. 30, UT Security was dispatched regarding a missing bicycle near the Vaughn Center.

How creative! They must be a writing major. — At 6:05 p.m. on Jan. 30, UT Security responded to a report of a student that had passed out in the Vaughn Center. Student refused medical treatment and stated they were weak due to not eating all day.

Where’d my balls go? — At 4:10 p.m. on Jan. 31, UT Security was contacted regarding property missing from a student’s vehicle in the Stadium Center lot.

Missing “items,” eh? — At 10:40 p.m. on Jan. 31, UT Security responded to a call of missing items.

Elevator … HUNGRY!! — At 2:30 a.m. on Feb. 1, UT Security responded to a call of students stuck inside a Straz Hall elevator. Security contacted a facilities worker, who could not open the door. Tampa fire rescue arrived and opened the door. Elevator was locked down.

Another one … ? — At 6:00 a.m. on Feb. 3, UT Security was contacted by Tampa police regarding an attempt of a break-in of a student’s vehicle off campus.

You guys! Swim practice was supposed to be next door! — At 3:50 p.m. on Feb. 3, UT Security responded to a broken sprinkler head in the Martinez Sports Center. Sprinkler head was hit by a ball and broke, causing flooding in the room.

You booze, you lose. Book ’em, boys. — At 2:30 a.m. on Feb. 4, UT Security was called by Tampa police to identify a student. Upon arrival, TPD had three students under the age of 21 in possession of alcohol and false identification. Students were transported to jail for processing and will be referred to the Conduct Board.