Editor’s note: The Minaret sympathizes with Tony Snow’s cancer relapse and the article is about the press secretary position in general. This article was written before the relapse became public knowledge.
I often wonder what requirements exist for certain jobs in this country. For example, I often wonder what sort of sick individual devises the nonsensical merchandise layouts at my stereotypical retail job. These people have never set foot into a store, let alone seen a piece of pegboard in their life. I’m sure of it. Another job description I’d love to read is that of a White House press secretary. Some of the more recent holders of this position have been quite exemplary at what they do, if they are indeed doing their jobs.
It seems that anytime I catch a clip of a White House press conference, the press secretary is either doing his best to spin the news in such a way that the press corps won’t ask too many questions or is failing miserably at doing so. Let me tell you, nothing is more painful and hilarious at the same time as a press secretary failing at providing a satisfactory response to a question.
The current press secretary Tony Snow is a former Fox News anchor who was likely recruited for his abilities to deliver the news in a ‘fair and balanced’ manner. It is my experience that being fair and balanced can only go so far when you’ve been employed to deliver the official message of the White House. Perhaps it’s Mr. Snow’s past experience working with Rush Limbaugh that got him the job. He seems like a credible enough guy. Certainly anyone that’s worked for such a fine individual as Rush Limbaugh must be the kind of person we want delivering the official message of our Executive Branch.
Perhaps it is better to start your career in the national press and working your way up through the ranks. The strategy seemed to work fairly well for the White House’s previous press secretary, Scott McClellan. He started off as the traveling press secretary for George W. Bush in his 2000 presidential campaign. From there he worked his way up to becoming the voice of the White House in 2003.
So far we’ve established that it helps to have a background in professional journalism, but if you don’t have any experience, that’s okay too. I wonder what kind of on-the-job training one goes through as a press secretary. Day one would most likely start with the basics like where the podium is and how to read off a teleprompter. The second day would cover how to address the same question in approximately 10 different ways. The third day would be learning the reporters’ names. If there’s anything else included in the training handbook, I don’t think they really use any more skills than that.
Returning to our analysis, it also seems that the position of press secretary isn’t something that one should plan on making a career of. Many past holders of this job have only stuck around for about five years or less. This bit of information might deter potential applicants from looking into this position, as most people seek job security.
It also appears as though you may not want to be starting your new job as White House press secretary near the end of an outgoing president’s term, as most new presidents like to bring in their own brand new staff. If you are an extremely likable individual, however, you do have a chance of making it through the shaky transition period into a new presidential term. If you seek to do this, it is advisable that you make friends with the incoming president-elect as early as possible to get on their good side. This may be unavoidable if in the previous term, you were responsible for any damaging remarks about the new president.
Sometimes I think about what happens to former White House press secretaries after they resign or are asked to leave their post. It doesn’t seem like you could go back to being a traditional news reporter because it would always feel like a lesser position. Some former press secretaries have gone on to host their own political commentary shows on television and radio. That seems to me like the ultimate retirement job from one’s career as a press secretary. It’s a almost a complete role reversal. Instead of delivering a predetermined statement, you get to insert your opinion on a given topic.
Based on all of this, I think I’m prepared to create the official White House classified ad for the position of White House press secretary:
Wanted: Fast learning, charismatic individual with possible background in news and ass-kissing for fast paced, high stress, public relations position. Applicants submit r’eacute;sum’eacute; and sample resignation letter to White House press office for consideration.
As you all know, I love to hear my readers’ thoughts and opinions on my writings. But if you do feel the need to write in, make sure you’ve read the entire article before you form an opinion. That’s what commentary is all about, bro!