It seems like Fire Rescue should be doing more important things…. — At 2:58 p.m. on March 19, UT Security was contacted to report a golf cart that rolled forward and hit a person on a bicycle near the Cass Building. Fire Rescue was contacted and transported the individual to the hospital.

Come say it to my face! — At 2:05 a.m. on March 20, Security was informed of threats being made from a boyfriend of a friend in Austin Hall. Officer contacted the boyfriend to inform him that he would be trespassed off campus if the threats continued.

The Minaret is always working for YOU! — At 2:50 p.m. on March 20, Security was contacted by a member of The Minaret staff that someone had spraypainted the memorial cannon near Plant Hall. The maintenance department was contacted to remove the paint.

Officer down! — At 8:00 a.m. on March 21, the Security director was contacted by an officer regarding a medical emergency. Director transported officer to the hospital.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there’s a pattern here … — At 9:30 p.m. on March 21, Security responded to an anonymous complaint of drugs in McKay Hall. A room search was completed. Items found were positive. Tampa Police was contacted. Student will be referred to judicial board.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice … — At 3:15 p.m. on March 22, Security was contacted to report a tire was flattened on two separate dates. Student stated her vehicle tire was flattened by a razor blade inserted in the center of the treads while parked in the Thomas Parking Garage.

Impromptu car maintenance — At 3:30 p.m. on March 22, Security was dispatched to investigate a complaint of damage to a faculty member’s vehicle in the Cass Building parking lot. Upon arrival of Security, the faculty member stated he ran over a shovel which damaged his vehicle.

Now how am I going to schedule chicken parm night?! — At 6:55 p.m. on March 22, Security was contacted in reference to a missing phone/pda from a room in Rescom.

Durr … let’s pull the fire alarm! Ha! — At 12:01 a.m. on March 23, UT Security responded to a fire alarm. Upon arrival, the alarm panel indicated the zone area, and it was found the pull station in McKay Hall was activated. After checking the building, Security reset the alarm system, and students were cleared to return to the building.

You’ll need a leash on those kids, sir. — At 5:18 p.m. on March 25, Security received several complaints in reference to two children riding a bike and acting suspiciously. Security questioned the children and found their father worked in the cafeteria. Father was contacted and children were removed from campus.

Don’t trust everyone you meet in Ybor. — At 6:40 p.m. on March 19, Security was called by a student and requested the on-call doctor for testing of a possible drug that may have been given to her while off campus.