Marriage is often portrayed as the end all of romance. Nights out become nights of worrying about how to keep your children happy or how to keep your bank account above $0. However, despite the tribulations associated with adulthood and committed relationships, many keep their sex lives active. Eighty percent of married couples report having sex a few times per month or more, according to a study conducted at the University of Chicago.
Such is not the case for one Huffington Post blogger Natalie Singer-Velush—she and her husband went over a year without once having sex, according to one of her articles.
The idea itself seems almost blasphemous. It is basically the unspoken duty of one’s significant other to be one’s designated lover—I’m fairly sure it even says that somewhere in the wedding vows. Of all of the trials and tribulations associated with marriage, the one comforting thought within life-long commitment is that your frequency of masturbation will seriously decrease.
Unfortunately for this blogger, she and her husband were married for over 10 years and spent one of those years completely celibate. Though they blame stress as the major preventative factor, NBC News reported that people who have more sex have lower levels of stress. In addition, NBC News reported that more sex is also correlated with longer life spans, infrequent illnesses and faster healings. In layman’s terms, sex is good for you and you should probably have it. A lot.
“I don’t know how she would be capable of not having sex,” said Liz Frattallone, a senior communication major. “If I don’t have sex for more than three months I go, like, ripping my hair out insane.”
Frattallone isn’t the only person who feels this way. In fact, most of us do. Men think about sex equally as often as they think about food and sleep (about 18 times a day), according to a study by Psychology Today. This places the importance of sex up there with two of the largest necessities to stay alive. I can’t count the number of my friends that have reported near panic attacks and mental breakdowns after going a week without having sex—52 weeks should be enough to push anyone over the edge.
When you think of sex 18 times a day, it’s possibly more difficult to not have sex than it is to have sex. When a married couple is side-by-side in bed every single night, it appears to be an impossibility to not just get it in. Singer-Velush reported that she had a rough recovery from her pregnancy, which is understandable, but after her recovery she claims she and her husband were too concerned with taking care of their kids to be “taking care” of each other. Anybody with a sex drive can tell you: You make time for sex. Other obligations can wait. Get a babysitter.
My concern with the blog post is not that the author says she is married—it was that she claims to be happily married. Relationships are not like family sitcoms from the 1950s. Adults have sex. Teens have sex. And when they don’t, they aren’t happy.
“Having sex is (no surprise) highest on all measures of happiness,” said Carsten Grimm from the University of Canterbury in New Zealand, who conducted a study on what makes people happiest, according to The Daily Mail. 
As an adult with experience in dating and relationships, it’s safe to say that if someone in the relationship isn’t getting what they’re looking for, then they are going to find it somewhere else. Forty-four percent of men who cheat are looking for more sex, according to NBC News. If I were in Singer-Velush’s position, I would not be too sure that I was still happily married. Rather, I’d be much more worried about what my husband was doing in his effort to keep his sanity in a sea of sexless nights.
Despite my belief that sex is a vital part of life, I also understand that for others it is just not that important. Nobody can be too judgmental about another’s sex life, because more often than not, they’re not actually a part of it. People place significance on different aspects of life and love, and even if it’s not within the popular opinion, it may still be the best fit for them. But there is no way in hell I would ever follow in this blogger’s footsteps unless I somehow have that lifestyle violently thrusted upon me.
If my husband didn’t have sex with me for a year, he would be my ex-husband. This woman is a brave soul, or maybe she’s just dry.
Terry Preston can be reached at terrence.preston@spartans.ut.edu