Author: Minaret Staff

At first she didn’t know who was calling her. “Hi, Connie. This is a friend of Bird’s.” Thoughts ran through her head. Birds? What birds? The voice repeated itself. “Connie, this is a friend of Bird’s.” Then Connie May Fowler put it together.

I recently began work at mental hospital in Tampa, FL, and have received recognition for the quick improvements my patients have shown. Recently, The Minaret requested that I let them sit in on one of my sessions. The following dialogue is with a new patient to the practice, Meis Retardando, who will be referred to as MR from here on.

Anyone who regularly follows politics, as I’m certain most UT students do, is likely familiar with a new phenomenon in public discourse. As domestic opposition to the Bush administration grows, many on the political left – rightly or wrongly – seem to be calling those on the political right “fascists.

At approximately 11:10 a.m. every Friday morning, I quickly gather my belongings and hop into my car to make a ten minute trek to West Tampa Elementary School. After picking up a visitor sticker and giving a brief hello to the office staff, I head to the back of the school and let myself into the third grade classroom where my little sister Shirley is waiting.

May I have your attention, please. This is an emergency message from the Office of Boathouse Services. STOP. The Boathouse is currently under attack by legions of rabid squirrels. I repeat, we are being attacked by squirrels. Please implement Boathouse Emergency Squirrel Protocol 1B as per your Boathouse Emergency Handbook.