Tip Sheet: Helping the geek get the girl

(U-WIRE) I hate to admit it, but there might be a reason that computer science students don’t get dates. It seems like we make the same mistakes over and over again, and I think it’s time for us to break from a seemingly infinite loop.

What follows, then, is an array of behavioral routines that I have observed, an exit from which might help us find our two’s complement.

The first pointer: When working on the computer, it is perfectly acceptable — even encouraged — to keep one’s beard coarse and neglect one’s hygiene. But in the world of people, personal care is important!

While we are frequently labeled as “code monkeys,” it is counterproductive when our cleanliness matches that of a great ape. We should free ourselves from the smell of caffeine and pizza — resources that we allocated the night before to finish our project. A tan wouldn’t hurt either (sitting in front of a computer screen does not count).

Helping someone with their computer is not flirting! Often computer scientists get taken advantage of — usually in the form of computer services. We have fixed a thousand computer problems in the hopes that this will earn us brownie points, and we hope that with enough of these points we might be able to earn a date with a “damsel in distress.” This rarely happens because we are too nice to ever ask for a return favor — leaving us swindled of our expertise. This notion of reciprocation is garbage, which should immediately be collected and thrown out.

We are, of course, proud of our computer knowledge. We like talking about technology because it is both comfortable and intriguing to us. But the average person does not want to talk about computers all the time. Computers are only fun if you enjoy debugging segmentation faults and making terrible computer science puns, and since most people would rather cut off a limb, computer-related conversation can be painful.

Talking about other subjects shows that you have breadth. Showing that you have varied interests will make you stand out.

Another fault that should be mentioned is the misconception that fancy gadgets will impress a potential date. I have seen many nonathletic computer science students sporting iPhones to attract admiration, apparently under the impression that the subject has never seen such a gadget before. This is transparent and ineffective. In fact, people can be a bit turned off by these items, because it implies that the owner is materialist.

There is no reason to ruin a potential date because of being cast as a materialist who is too abstracted from real life.

The above is just a compilation of things that we could improve upon. Finding a date without following these suggestions is possible, but it’s kind of like trying to sort a deck of cards by randomly throwing them into the air — it is slow and inefficient.

Play it cool, get to know someone, and invite them to a casual cup of java. Remember, your main function is to be presentable, polite and someone worth spending clock cycles with.

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